Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[tyme]

Hey @beyondlost478 ,

I've just read your post. 

Thank you for the update. I'm so glad that you have been able to reflect on what has been happening and start looking after yourself. 

Culture can play a big part in how people manage. For some, it is an expectation for younger ones to support and look after their older family members.

Please do what's right for you. It's really good you could speak to family about it.

Which Australian state/territory are you located? There might be some specific supports for yo in your area.

[beyondlost478]

Hello @Wednesday 

Thank you for your reply to my post. Greatly appreciate your advice and time.

One of the reasons I am struggling is with communicating with him. As this is the first time in years that I have come back into his life, I never was one to express my thoughts and emotions because I have the fear of rejection - but as they say - one will never know if you keep quiet.. I was closer to my mum and other siblings and I would see Dad during family functions with his side of the family. So with me taking on this role, I automatically thought I would just be his child, I would have to do everything for him - which I found out is not healthy for both of us. This has led me to isolate myself in his place not set boundaries and think that If I go to a family's house for a visit, I would be abandoning my position as a carer for him.

So that is one part of the reason why I am currently struggling and yes I will find a counselor that I can speak to about the caring role because I think I mentioned to the other person who left a note on here - I have my time with my counselor to talk about grief and my fears of health anxiety for leaving it aside (as I too have a few medical conditions), I find the majority of the time, the conversations leads to my caring role than what I want to unpack. Also, I think what was mentioned too.

I guess what I was wanting to get at is I do not want my past with years of trauma with broken relationships to affect my present of wanting to care for my father now and hope that i have a clear mind going forward and yes I believe that if i speak to a carer counselor that would clear my mind on what my obligations are as a carer so that I can get myself better to be the child.

I have come across a website called Carer Gateway I think, I will get in contact with them soon because I do not want to dwell on the past and be in a better mind state to care for myself and care for him.

Hope this reply kind of makes sense to you and thank you for offering to share your experiences in hopes that I would be able to implement them into my current role.

Many Thanks

Beyondlost748

[tyme]

Please know we are here for you @beyondlost478 

Hope you have been better and showing yourself some self-compassion by setting some boundaries.

We are happy to bounce ideas if you need it.

[tyme]

Hey there @beyondlost478 ,

How are you going? I was wondering how you've been since we last spoke.

[beyondlost478]

Hello @tyme 

Aww, bless you! It has been a while. Sorry, it has been a while for me to respond. I have been very hard on myself mentally since we last spoke. I have eased up a bit on some of the boundaries between myself and my father. I have been unable to speak to him about my feelings (I guess it is the fear of rejection) so I have been hurting and isolating myself more and more as the days go past. I know that is not healthy. But there have been little steps as of late, I have stepped back and he caught on the idea he has to shower himself lately, I have only gotten his clothing sorted from time to time, and he was able to get his breakfast some mornings. As for myself, there have been some afternoons when he has not been home and he would be out visiting his friends, so I have utilized that time to sit at the back in the afternoon sun with some Earl Grey vanilla tea and write in my journal. There is no current structure for my journal, but I have just written whatever was on my mind at that time. I admitted myself to the emergency department over a week ago because my anxiety was out of whack. During my time of being seen there, I spoke to a social worker with whom I discussed my situation and it was an encouraging conversation that gave me advice as she had some personal experience of caring for her parent. The whole reason for the discussion was basically - you cannot fill someone else's cup if your cup is running on empty if that makes sense. As for myself, I have found my health anxiety getting the best of me some days and very dark but I have since caught up with my counselor and cried during the discussion because everything was heavy. I soon have to reach out to Carer Gateway to get support with carer counseling as I have found myself discussing more of my caring role in my counseling time. I have found myself isolating myself more and more in fear that I may have some health condition when there has been confirmation that there isnt. So I will reach out to them. Thank you again for the encouraging words in the past @tyme