Now, to discuss some of the things that have worked for me as someone with BPD (NB when I use the word 'we', I am referring to someone with BPD).
1. Set clear boundaries
Seems harsh sometimes, especially if you have to tell a borderline to stop contacting you after midnight, but boundaries help us feel safe. Of course I’m not speaking in terms of crises and emergencies.
Boundaries are also there to keep you, as carers and loved ones, safe and well. For example, sometimes, there needs to be a boundary set surrounding self-harm. That is, if SH requires medical attention, then medical attention will be sought (regardless of the kicking and screaming).
2. Communicate clearly
Sometimes, we don’t communicate very well. We just can’t get the thoughts or words out. Help us by modelling clear communication. Shows us and tell us you cannot read our minds.
3. Do what you say and say what you do.
PLEASE keep your word. I know this is difficult sometimes, especially if we are not good at keeping our word. Please understand that our world is absolutely chaotic. If you keep you word, it helps us build trust and gives us reassurance.
4. Strike while the iron is COLD
Have you ever tried reasoning with a pwBPD when they are emotionally triggered? Did you get very far? Most likely – NO. When we are emotionally heightened, our reasoning and rational brain ceases to exist. Instead, at this time, you may simply need to walk away, but don’t forget you will be returning to check-in with them at whatever time. Give them a time please e.g. in 30 minutes. This helps reassure us that you are not leaving us.
Question 2
There are many other things I can add. But instead, let’s hear from you. What have you found to work for someone with BPD?
