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11-09-2016 06:51 PM
11-09-2016 06:51 PM
Should I tell this girls parents how their daughters behaviour is impacting my husband
I am supporting my husband who has PTSD. Lately he has become insulting, emotionally abusive, has forbidden me to speak in the house,locks himself in the study for hours on end having facebook conversations with a woman he met at the local RSL and violent on occassion. He is under the care of a pyschologist but she announced last week that she thinks he is fine and no longer has any problems or anger management issues. The only thing I can interpret from this is one of two things. Either I am imagining this and he is fine and I need help, or (what I think has happened) he has been putting on an act for her and she only sees the side of him he wants her to see.
I am a full time postgraduate student. His behaviour is impacting my studies as I go to uni hours before I need to as I am constantly frightened at home that he will turn into one of his rages. Also the study he locks himself into is the where the computers, printer books and stationary are so I often cant access things I need
I have spoken to counsellers before but their advice has been just leave him but it isnt that simple. I dont have a job, I have no money or family or friends (he has alienated even his family members with his threats of violence and insulting manner) so I have nowhere to go. He was getting better before he met this girl but now he has become paranoid that people are 'out to get him'. I say girl as she is 27 years younger than him. She has been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder. She has broken up with him twice since ANZAC day. Everytime she does and he is out of her influence for a week or two he starts to get better, and even begins to think about the hobbies he used to have and how he can get his friends and family back. Then she returns , says one of her other personalities broke up with him, and then we go back to the dark side of his personality again. He is now constantly worrying that she will find another boyfriend, is constantly on the phone to her, spends hours on facebook in chat sessions with her and his doctor now has him taking multiple doses of hypertensives as his BP is going through the roof due to his constant anger)and I am at my wit's end again. He just went out again with her and said he might be home tonight and not to try anything stupid like contacting his psycologist as his girlfriend says he doesnt need a psychologist.
Do you have any advice as to how I can improve the situation? I can see there is hope for him if he can just break his ties with this girl. In the past he has begun to improve, I dont want him getting into trouble with the police etc as he was not like this before the PTSD. She lives with her parents and I tried speaking with them but she had told them he is not my husband he is my brother and they simply see me as a jealous sister. Also I think they feel that if she is out with him she is out of their hair for a while. Has anyone had a similar type of situation that could advise me as to what to do. I feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster.
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11-09-2016 10:35 PM
11-09-2016 10:35 PM
Re: Should I tell this girls parents how their daughters behaviour is impacting my husband
Hi TigerMoth,
Sorry for your situation.
I have not had a similar situation but personally I think you should focus mainly on your husbands behaviours and not the girls.
i think you deserve to be treated better.
Your husband is not showing much respect for his marriage or for you.
Does your husband give any indication that he wants to remain married to you or is he only happy to be with you when there are "no other options"?
Perhaps it is too hard to simply leave now,but another option might be to simply live as being separated in the same house until you have saved up to move elsewhere?
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12-09-2016 11:47 AM
12-09-2016 11:47 AM
Re: Should I tell this girls parents how their daughters behaviour is impacting my husband
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13-09-2016 10:07 AM
13-09-2016 10:07 AM
Re: Should I tell this girls parents how their daughters behaviour is impacting my husband
Hi
maybe I should explain. My husband and I both knew this girl previously. We were both in a class at university together. She knew we wwere married then and she knows we are married now. My husband did meet her at the RSL. We lost contact when she dropped out of uni. My husband and I moved to this suburb which is where she lives now with her parents. When she was at uni she was living with her partner. However she was seeing a man who was married at the time and her partner found out. He didnt approve and threw her out. She then moved in with her parents. Since then she has been in multiple relations (according to her sister) and all of them have been with married men. She now works at the RSL. My husband didnt tell her I was his sister. She told her parents we were because she knew they woldnt approve of her seeing someone who was married.
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13-09-2016 10:40 AM
13-09-2016 10:40 AM
Re: Should I tell this girls parents how their daughters behaviour is impacting my husband
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13-09-2016 10:57 AM
13-09-2016 10:57 AM
Re: Should I tell this girls parents how their daughters behaviour is impacting my husband
Its hard to know what he would do. She has been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder and does some very strange things. She has broken up with him twice since April (both times she has said it wasnt her that sent the text it was one of her personalities and she knew nothing about it). One of them was insulting and riddled with expletives. I know because my husband showed me the text and asked me if I knew what some of the expletives meant. Im not close with her sister. She spoke with me in the beginning as I was trying to find out what had been going on. She said she doesnt have much to do with her sister as she disgusts her.
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13-09-2016 11:35 AM
13-09-2016 11:35 AM
Re: Should I tell this girls parents how their daughters behaviour is impacting my husband
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13-09-2016 11:40 AM
13-09-2016 11:40 AM
Re: Should I tell this girls parents how their daughters behaviour is impacting my husband
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13-09-2016 11:52 AM
13-09-2016 11:52 AM
Re: Should I tell this girls parents how their daughters behaviour is impacting my husband
We saw the story about it on 60 Minutes and apart from the clothes for different personalities its her to a T. We discussed it and my husband thinks that he is one who can 'save' her and cure her disoder. He wants her to leave her psychiatrist because he feels he is no good for her and doesnt want her to get better
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13-09-2016 03:19 PM
13-09-2016 03:19 PM