My special place

[PizzaMondo]

I hear you @Snowie - can totally see these kind of interactions at play..

I am wondering if you've ever thought about - is their life actually as good as they say it is? I mean, we are human after all and we all have a multitude of feelings each one of us experiences in a day. I wonder if some of these conversations where the other talks about how good their life is, might now know how to express if anything is wrong. Just like you and I have had experiences where we know the other person doesn't want the real answer to 'how are you?' - maybe they don't know how to 'listen' and also communicate in the same ways as you'd like.

This is something I am trying to identify in my life - what kind of connection do I need from others, my friends, my family. And what does 'being authentic' mean to me = it means to be able to express how I am feeling - how the other person reacts, or if they don't like it, that's something they need to reflect on why. (Hope that makes sense)

I'm wondering @Snowie - are you like me where you want to connect with others on an emotional level?

[Snowie]

I do realise people just say/post the positive things in their life @PizzaMondo Everyone does it. They don't post the hard/difficult times in their lives.

Even if I say that things aren't good they wouldn't know how to respond to that. And at the same time I probably don't want to burden them with my problems. Those issues shouldn't be placed onto their shoulders. 

Yes it does makes sense. I find connection with others so difficult to do. Do I really want them to know how I am really feeling? Probably not. 

Besides my husband I don't think I am close enough to anyone to connect with them. And even then, I hold back. I guess they can't help if they don't know.

I even struggle with my psych and pdoc at times. I tell them more than anyone else but that's what I pay them for, to listen, to respond, to help.

[Eve7]

I know exactly what you mean @Snowie People keep ringing and asking me that as if I’d be anything but sh#t right now. I know people have the best of intentions but really right now if I am still breathing I’m ok.

[PizzaMondo]

This is true, everyone has different ways of expressing themselves, and some just choose to not at all.. @Snowie

I agree with you though that those issues, the ones we may be struggling with, should not be placed onto another persons shoulders. However, I do believe, when seeking support that we check in with the other and see if they have the capacity to listen, it is still ours to carry and heal from.. although this is where I feel therapy comes in if we have access to it and we can kind of just offload in a way that feels more comfortable as it's objective (on the therapist's behalf).

I wonder about your statement about if you really want to tell them how you're feeling, and you probably don't.. makes me wonder if this may be due to your past experiences. Of not feeling heard, or being given that space and safety to share - I get this if so.

What does @Snowie need today?

[Snowie]

I think past experiences do affect my ability to open up @PizzaMondo I have been 'burned' in the past, called an attention seeker, called weak, called "not a good mother".

I think the changes in my psych hasn't helped either. I am hoping to find that stability with my psych now.

I think I just need time to go fast today. I just want the day to be over and to be able to get some sleep tonight. Sleepless nights haven't helped. I see my psych tomorrow morning so I am hoping that will help. That I can unload some of my thoughts onto her.

[NatureLover]

Hi @Snowie , my lunch on Sunday went OK and I did enjoy some moments, thanks. I was able to leave after just 2.5 hours too. 

Sorry your sleep has been bad...it was good for a while, after your sleep meds were changed at the hospital, wasn't it? 

I can't believe you've been called "not a good mother"! 😮 I bet that was your own mother who said that 😣

Today I have to go to the germy hospital for my psychiatrist appt. I usually do Telehealth but once a year I have to go in person for Medicare. I'm dreading it. 

Good luck with your psych appt today...

[Snowie]

Hi @NatureLover 

I'm glad your lunch went ok. Well done for staying for 2.5 hours, that is quite an achievement.

I don't think it is my meds that is affecting my sleep. Some nights my sleep is fine, it's just the last few haven't been that good. I've had a lot on my mind which hasn't helped.

I hope the pdoc appt. goes ok. I do most of mine through telehealth too.

Psych appt. done. Was good to unload but has brought a few things up to the surface. She asked some hard questions I couldn't answer. Feel like I am screwed either way.

[NatureLover]

@Snowie  Sorry to hear...by "screwed" do you mean they will want an admission? 

Am back and showered after hosptal appt. Washing my clothes now. 

[Snowie]

She didn't mention an admission @NatureLover 

By screwed I just mean if I don't get things out they just stew over in my head, but if I do talk about it, it brings that and other things to the surface so then I stew on them. Feel like I can't win either way.

Besides having to go into the hospital, did your appt. go ok?

[NatureLover]

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@Snowie wrote:

By screwed I just mean if I don't get things out they just stew over in my head, but if I do talk about it, it brings that and other things to the surface so then I stew on them. Feel like I can't win either way.

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I see...it doesn't sound good. 😢 Thanks for explaining.

Does that mean today has been triggering for you? 

The appt went well...I paid $295 for 30 minutes. Get a slight amount back from Medicare. Luckily I only see the psychiatrist 4 times a year!