I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I feel so alone. 

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

Sorry you feel so alone at the moment. I hear that it sounds hard to sit with that feeling.

What would help at the moment to take some of that loneliness away? 

From my experience, it's not necessary people around you that take that feeling away. Thoughts?

Sitting with you.

[Captain24]

Hey @tyme 

How was the conference? 

Im not sure what can help. 

Im watching tv. The dogs are eating dinner. I’ve done a bit of stuff this morning. My kitchen and living area are clean. The dogs are clean. 

I’ve tried reading, I’ve tried Lego, I’ve been outside, I’ve had a sleep, I’ve had dinner, I’m about to have an icy pole, I’ve tried lots of things. 

[tyme]

The buzz was great @Captain24 . Noisy though! I'm recovering from socialising lol.

But it was good. Good to see everyone. There were about 100 people.

I got home at around 11pm last night. Today I left early so I could get back home before going on the forums tonight.

You know what? Maybe feeling this isolation is not something that can be 'fixed' right now, so it's a matter of just sitting with it and through it?

How have Pix and Jett been?

[Captain24]

I’m glad you enjoyed it @tyme. That’s a lot of people to socialise with! But I’m guessing it’s good to get all together instead of behind a screen. 

Sounds like a big couple of days. Hopefully tonight goes easy for you. 

I keep trying to fix it, the mood, everything. But when I can’t fix it I beat myself up. I’ve tried so hard and so much. 

I did message a friend from hospital but as much as I’m alone it’s hard for me to connect as I don’t know how to talk or what to say. 

They are both good. Jett keeps climbing on me and Pix is hassling me for attention. 

How’s Ruby going? 

[tyme]

We had a lot of fun @Captain24 . Lots of laughs, singing, skits, creativty... there are so many talented talented people - all under one roof, yet no one treated the 'Dr' or CEO differently to the person with mental health challenges. It was an amazing experience.

I'm sitting in the loungeroom at the moment, and Ruby is playing with this vibrating ball thing I bought for her from Amazon. She's having so much fun. 

[Captain24]

It’s so good that everyone was equal @tyme. Everyone on an even keel. It sounds like a blast. Do you have them often? 

That looks cool. It’s awesome to see them have fun. Just a love that can’t be explained. 

My two are happy as they have a bone each. They love them. 

I just tried messaging another friend. Trying for connection. 

[tyme]

Nah, we don't have them 'often', but we make them at least once a year to get everyone together from both Sydney and Melbourne. We defo had such a blast even though it drains the social battery.

@Captain24 

Maybe tonight is the night you sms everyone, even if they don't respond straight away? Come to think of it, when I get the time, I have this mass texting and then people get back to me whenever they want. That way, I feel I've upped my connection. I don't like calling people though. That stresses me out. I'm a texter, not a talker.

When you said the dog have a bone, do they have them all the time? Is it even good for them? Are they those dried bone things?

[Captain24]

Yearly sounds good @tyme. I’m sure you’re not the only one with a drained battery! Especially since most of you have lived experience. 

2 people have gotten back to me. One was just a response. The other one is chatting a little but she will stop soon. Between you and her I’m feeling less alone. The one that’s chatting is an amazing person I met in hospital. She came in the second time I was there too. On my last 2 days I got us an Uber at 5am so she could watch the sunrise on the beach. She is just the most beautiful soul. She is beautiful inside and out. She cried when I left. 

I don’t mind ringing my best friend occasionally but lately I just haven’t been up for talking. Text is it. I’ve got to do what’s in my limits right now. Which isn’t much. 

Bones are good for their teeth. We get them from the dog treat man that comes to the markets. He is really cheap and they are dried. I just have to say the word ‘bone’ and Pix is up jumping around. I’ll try and go in the morning Sunday morning and get some more. Jett also has a deer antler that he chews on. He always has to have something in his mouth. We got it from Pet Stock. It costs us heaps when we get to a pet shop. There isn’t any around here. 

[tyme]

Awwww. I'm glad to hear the dogs love the bones. 

That soul from the hospital seems so amazing. I'm glad she got back to you tonight so you feel less alone. It's hard to sit with such isolation.

Have you felt this way in the past?

Do you have anything planned this weekend? Work? Seeing your parents?

Yeah, I'm sure Team SANE were buggered by the end of the 2 days. They worked so hard. I'm astounded by so much talent... I'm still taking in the 2 days. It was really WOW. @Captain24