I can’t cope

[Captain24]

Poor thing. It’s hard seeing them sick and there is nothing you can do to help @tyme 

Oh that’s a shame. I was hoping she would like them. I have the purple one and the green and white one. But until today I didn’t have any sqishmallows so didn’t really know what they were like. 

I got a scented one and it smell like the strawberry shortcake doll from when I was a kid. I also got a bit bigger one. 

[tyme]

I find the squishmallows actually really good as a pillow becuase they bounce back lol @Captain24 

Yeah, I have to agree that the maccas squishmallows don't really meet expecations lol. 

Strawberry shortcake!!! I had 2 of those when I was a kid. A red one and a pink one. And you flip them to make a doll? And the hat is the frosting?

Brings back memories.

[Captain24]

They had bigger ones but I just went mid-sized @tyme 

I had a few strawberry shortcake dolls. I had one that blew kisses and a few plastic ones. They use to smell so good. This squishmallow took me back there. Which was really nice. I can see them all sitting on a shelf. I had the friends as well and they all had different scents. 

The one that blew kisses looked like this one. 

 

[tyme]

I just read your post about not wanting to do the 'wrong' thing again @Captain24 

It's hard to sit with this fear. At the same time, when you consider it, it's good that you don't want to do the 'wrong' thing, but in reality, we just do - but it doesn't mean it's intentional.

When we are in the thick of it, we can spit out some dark things. We are not perfect. I guess the mindset to work on is that if we do enter outside the boundaries, how do we bring ourselves back?

Also, it's not WRONG to have these thoughts. These thoughts have a place. It might take some time to be able to steer posts to be recovery-focussed, and that's what our job is.

It's not about being 'wrong'. You are not 'wrong'.

Hugs @Captain24 

[Captain24]

I thought I was doing a good job of trying to be recovery focussed but now I know I’m not. It’s just something else I fail at. @tyme 

I guess I just go back to keeping it all in. I can’t say what is in my head at the moment cause it doesn’t see recovery right now. So I can’t say it. 

It’s just something else hard for me to see a clear picture. It doesn’t take much to rattle my confidence or confuse me. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 not your fault to be feeling like this hun, just wanna make sure you know that. Also want you to know that we have all sorts of patience and understanding for you as you try to process this info and learn a new way of posting. It will take time to develop this skill!

Like legit, that's what you're doing! Whole new learning process yeah?

And it's kinda part of the point, you know? Because when we practice that skill here, of orienting ourselves towards recovery, it means we can carry it with us elsewhere in our lives too. 

Try not to be too hard on yourself for not immediately 'getting it' - I mean, no one can learn a whole new skill overnight! 

---

@Captain24 wrote:

You did say that you don’t expect us to be positive all the time but coming from someone that is struggling it’s hard to know.

---

Curious to hear a bit more about this. Like, in the examples in the post, the ones in the recovery focused column were still expressing some heavy feelings, and didn't erase those feelings - just a shift in how they're presented. 

I'm hearing you're still concerned about sharing your struggles though?

[Captain24]

Yeah. I am @Jynx. I am pretty dumb and pretty slow and have I massive fear of doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing or getting into trouble.

My anxiety has increased so much. 

I did read the examples but I just know I won’t word it correctly. 

I have tears in my eyes

[AuntGlow]

Hello @Captain24, 

I just wanted to check-in and see how you are with all that you have going on in your mind right now. I completely hear you around feeling afraid of saying the wrong thing and getting into trouble... it sounds like somewhere along the way, you were taught that mistakes = unsafe. And that can be really, really hard to unlearn. We're still creating safe spaces for people to be fallible as a society, and so it's fair that you may find this challenging. I think many people do. Every time you explore new ways of sharing here, that can be practice. And even if we have to explore different approaches together, none of us are here to judge, only to support you. 🥰

You mentioned a lesson from your psych: With my psych.. everyone deserves compassion and to be heard. Recovery is about the little things. Such as, ‘you may have been tempted but you didn’t take extra medication this time’ ‘you remembered to look at your safety plan’ ‘you did get outta bed today when it was really hard’ she says these show strength in times when you feel like you don’t have anything. Also ‘feelings aren’t facts!’ 

I am wondering, are you able to apply any of this to how you're feeling tonight?

I can see how hard you are trying all the time @Captain24, and your efforts to be recovery-focused are evident. We appreciate your presence here very much, remember that. 💛

[Captain24]

Yes @AuntGlow. Doing something wrong or making mistakes equals punishment. Hence my fear. 

Im not really doing very well there is a lot going on but I can’t share. 

I’ve done 2 of them. 

Im feeling really alone and lonely. 

Im feeling very vulnerable and a lack of belonging on here. 

[tyme]

Are you being too hard on yourself @Captain24