I can’t cope

[rav3n]

hey @Captain24 you're NEVER a bother to us!!

i'm around for another hour if you wanna chat 💙

[Captain24]

I feel like I am @rav3n 

I had a big emotional psych appointment today and I don’t know how to make this be recovery focused. But I’m really drained. I’ve had a shower so my body is relaxed just not my mind. 

T/W SH

Content/trigger warning

She suggested I may have SAD, we talked about my really bad passive SI and the extreme SH thoughts I have to cause serious pain. 

If this doesn’t meet ‘recovery focussed’ just delete it. It’s ok to ban me if it’s wrong 

You don’t have to respond. Not sure I’m worthy of it

[rav3n]

@Captain24 i assure you, you're not. i can't speak for others, but i will speak for myself and say that you're always worth my time. always.

i've added the content warning box for ya, hope that's okay. is the SAD - seasonal affective disorder or social anxiety disorder? (i always confuse the acronym!) 
sounds like some heavy stuff were discussed, i can absolutely see why you'd be drained too. was your psych able to provide you some support/tools around the SI and SH?

i know that posting in a recovery focussed way can be tough - it basically means that when you do post about SI/SH, you're letting us know that you're safe or how you're working on staying safe or for support on staying safe, etc. i hope i didn't make that more confusing. i'm glad your body feels relaxed after the shower, what's something that can relax your mind - would watching tv show help? hugging Pix and Jett?

[Captain24]

It’s hard to think that @rav3n 

I can’t do spoilers on my phone sorry. Thank you. 

Seasonal Affective Disorder. I always struggle badly in winter. It’s been like it for as long as I can remember. I have social phobia too.

Just ‘dropping anchor’ and noticing what feelings are coming up. 

We talked a lot more about the medication withdrawal and how it’s all linked. 

Im watching a show on Netflix but I think it’s getting really weird. Pix and Jett are close by. 

It’s all very confusing. 

[Captain24]

I guess you have gone now @rav3n 

Sorry if I was too much. 

[AuntGlow]

Not at all @Captain24. She was in a rush and told me to say goodbye to you! 

How are you feeling? I will be here until 10, so we can chat about whatever you need until then, okay? 🥰

[Captain24]

It’s all good. I don’t expect her to say goodbye, I was just worried that I was too much. I did say a lot. @AuntGlow 

I’m not really ok

[AuntGlow]

@Captain24 I am sorry you aren't feeling okay, I know things are a lot right now...

How are your fur babies this evening? Are they giving you cuddles or cheek? 👀

[Captain24]

I don’t know if I’m allowed to say it but more thoughts are really dark. 

[Captain24]

Pix is in my room and Jett is on my lap. Both are sound asleep @AuntGlow.

When I was on my psych appointment they decided it was time to play! Jetts very loud when he is playing. She just laughed and I calmed them down. 

There’s a lot going on. She also said that I could be mentally addicted to my meds that I’m coming off. I just feel like I’m a mess and it’s all overwhelming and it’s not helping all my deep dark thoughts.