I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I’m feeling really bad. The dark thoughts are circling. I’ve just had my first shower in days. Yes.. I’ve been going to work uncovered. I know.. it’s disgusting. 

Im now going to bed hoping the world swallows me whole. I need my afternoon sleep so I can go to work tonight as much as I don’t want to. I wish I had plenty of sick leave. 

[RiverSeal]

Hey @Captain24, thanks for reaching out to the Forums!

Sounds like you are doing it tough right now, and it's a testament to your resilience that you are reaching out to your peers. 

I'm so impressed that you managed a shower today, and I hope you are feeling refreshed for your afternoon nap.

What is something nice that you can do for yourself before you go to work later tonight?

Thanks for being an inspiration!

RiverSeal 

[tyme]

Heya @Captain24 ! How's things?

I've been pretty flat out in training today. But I wanted to pop in to see how you are going.

I read a post about Pix dragging her bum??? Is she okay? What does that mean? Ruby never does that... 

[Captain24]

Hey @tyme 

Feels like it’s been ages. 

I was at work last night and I have a shift tonight then I’m done for 5 days!

Thanks for popping it. I really really appreciate it. I hope the training is good and you are doing well.

Ive been struggling a bit but nowhere near as much as I did with the last med reduction. I’ve been at work though so it’s been a distraction. Yesterday I wanted the world to swallow me but I got through it. 

Pix is fine she must have just had an itchy bum. They say it means worms but she doesn’t have worms. It can also mean that their an@l glands need expressing. That happens from time to time. The nurse at the vets does them. It stinks!!! Pix has had hers done a few times over the years. It doesn’t hurt them. Jett hasn’t had his done at all. The first time will be interesting though. I’d like to be there for it rather than them take him out the back. They usually take Pix out the back as she might bite them. 

I’ll chat tomorrow night if you’re around. I’d love a catch up 

[Captain24]

I got home at 8 this morning. I’m trying to sleep but I’m struggling. I usually take a particulate med to sleep but they are the ones I’m trying to come off. I know I’ve been taking too many in the past and using them as a crutch to sleep. [edited by moderator] I can only take them for a full sleep not half. 

Im so tired. I’ve just taken the new ones for sleeping. I’m not suppose to start them until I’m off the other ones. I’m a mess. 

[rav3n]

hey @Captain24 those med changes sound really challenging, and i can see that you're really desperate to be able to sleep especially after a big shift. i feel like a 'mess' when i'm struggling with sleep too, you're not alone. 💙

i'm not an expert around med changes, but i do know that weaning off and starting new ones can be hard. sounds like it'd be worth chatting to your GP or pdoc about this soon?

if you are worried that you took too much, please do reach out to Poisons Information Centre.

also p.s. i did edit some details out from your post so that it wasn't too specific, hope that's okay 😊

[Captain24]

I’ve given up trying to sleep. @rav3n. Pix slept well though she snored all morning! I’m having all sorts of thoughts though and it’s not pretty. 

I have a GP appointment on the 23rd but I want it to be for a referral to hospital and medical stuff. The meds are just going to have to wait. I’ll ring on the 15th and see if I can get another appointment but it’ll probably be when I’m away. I’m not sure when I see my Pdoc next but I think it’s probably a good idea to see her before I go to hospital. 

Sorry, not sure what I wrote wrong but thanks.

[rav3n]

@Captain24 sucks that you didn't get much sleep, and then there's Pix just rubbing how good her sleep is in your face!!!

it's hard to keep the thoughts at bay when we can't sleep it off, hey. how are you managing them at the moment?

yep, seeing her as soon as you can sounds good. when are you going hospital? how long is the stay? (if you don't feel comfy answering that's totally fine too!)

[Captain24]

I just trod on her tail so I got pay back! 😜 @rav3n. She’s ok. Shes forgiven me. I do feel bad.

I really need some sleep. I’m struggling. I’m trying to watch tv but I’ve lost track of where I’m at. I want to watch the new season of Ginny and Georgia but I can’t remember the last season. I’m just stupid. I guess I need to rewatch it all. I’m really dumb. The sensible thing would be to restart it. I’m not really smart though. 

Im considering taking my night meds but I don’t think that would be helpful. Id get some sleep though. It’s stop these thoughts. I just want to disappear. Just go away. Not be a bother. Not be a burden. Not to be a waste of space. 

I go in on the 11th August for 3 weeks. 

[rav3n]

@Captain24 don't worry, i've accidentally stepped on my rabbits and even people! i hope they've all forgiven me.

omg trust me, you're not alone - i can't remember Ginny and Georgia s1 & 2 either... and i've rewatched s1 twice before! you're not dumb at all, i think our brains just have so much going on that it pushes away tv show plots sometimes. i'm too lazy to rewatch s2 so i'll probably dive in s3 hoping i'll understand wants going on. we can both be clueless together.

i'm really sorry you feel that way. please know that on the forums, you're never a burden. you're never a waste of space. you are valued and you matter to us here. 

3 weeks in august, noted! hopefully i do remember - but if i don't, it's not that i don't care... it's because my memory is awful at times.