What does RECOVERY look like to you?

[tyme]

Dear All, 

As I sit back and browse through the forums, I wanted to reach out to every to get your sense of RECOVERY.

What exactly does RECOVERY look like to you? 

I'm interested for our community to share their thoughts about recovery. Remember, there are no wrong answers. 

Feel free to tag any who may be interested @Jynx @Shaz51 @NatureLover @Faith-and-Hope @Judi9877 @Captain24 @Bee36 @Member_A @creative_writer @Birdofparadise8 @amber22 @SmilingGecko @StuF @Meowmy @Oaktree @Anastasia @BPDSurvivor @RiverSeal 

[RiverSeal]

Recovery to me looks like actively participating in work, study, being social with friends, feeling like I'm part of the community, presenting as my authentic self, and feeling positive about my life and the future. This can be done with and without symptoms and experiencing peaks and troughs in my mood and mental and physical wellbeing. Thanks for including me @tyme! RiverSeal 🏳️‍⚧️ 

[Bow]

Recovery to me is the process of getting well. Of getting better. Working through what has or is making you unwell and striving to live a life of purpose, of satisfaction, and regaining control of your life.

For me, I can either be in recovery (working on stuff) or out of recovery because I am not actively trying to get better. 

[Captain24]

Recovery to me looks like being able to function as a person. All I ask is that I can go about day to day tasks without fighting with myself. Also just to feel contentment. I don’t need to be happy just to be able to deal with life’s up and downs in a reasonable manner. 

[tyme]

Some very important points you have all raised @Captain24 @Bow @RiverSeal .

Often, I'm hesitant to say that I've 'recovered' because I feel like recovery takes a lifetime for me. I feel like it's not something that can be 'finished' or complete.

In the peak of my mental health, I really had to stand back and consider what recovery meant. I remember always saying, "I want to be happy"... yet in reality, I think having this desire was setting me up to fail. There is no way that one can be happy all the time.

I have to say that I'm and super duper content with life, but that doesn't mean I'm always happy 🙂

Thank you everyone who has shared so far.

[RiverSeal]

I agree @tyme, I believe I'll be in recovery for my whole life as there is no way to undo what I have been through other than to grow from it and find my path in life. It's been a very complex experience, and I will always carry the scars and always be reminded of the challenges I went through for so long. I am in a good place now and very grateful for all the people and opportunities I have through believing in myself and daring to dream that there was a future. Many thanks to SANE and the Forums community for being a part of that new experience! RiverSeal ❤️

[Jynx]

Oooh good topic @tyme! 

For me, recovery is intimately intertwined with acceptance. Like others here, I feel it is a lifelong journey - and the reason this is incredibly important to me is because I believe that we should never stop learning and growing, and I will always strive to be my favourite self. But part of being able to take those steps toward my goal is to simultaneously be unwavering in my acceptance of my current self. Because "if being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now" - a fav quote of mine because it sums up the reason I was so mentally unwell for so many years. Once I started to give myself grace, forgiveness, and self-compassion for the entirety of 'who I am in this moment', recovery wasn't far behind. And it continues, and will always continue, to pave my path ahead. 

Ach, the irony! That trying to change who I was kept me stuck in that place, but by accepting who I am I then truly began to grow! Life is funny innit?

May all of our recovery journeys continue at exactly the pace we need them to! 

[Shaz51]

Hello @tyme , very interesting tread 🙂

Hello @Jynx , @RiverSeal , @Captain24 , @Bow 

My idea of recovery now is learning to accept how I am , to love myself more , I like to find more of a balance in my daily life but still expecting the unexpected. 

Found in the past if I tried hard everything would fall apart 

As a wife , daughter,  step mum , accepting everyone and not trying to change anyone 

@Jacques , @Appleblossom , @Krishna , @Owlunar2 , @Healandlove , @Historylover , @Adge , @TAB , @Dimity , @greenpea , @Sophie1 , @Determined , @creative_writer 

[chibam]

@tymeI'm pretty much on par with @RiverSeal 's description. Good, meaningful relationships; a household where I belong; and good, meaningful work are the big three markers for me.

A loving, dedicated marriage is particularly crucial. I can't see my life being satisfactory (or 'recovered') without one.

I really like @RiverSeal 's comment about being your authentic self, as this is a crucial detail, too. It may be fairly easy to superficially attain all the fixtures of a successful life if you act out a role that is starkly differant to yourself. If you say and do the "right" things, you might get a spouse, a group of so-called "friends" hang out with, and even a job. But if every word out of your mouth is a lie... if the work you do makes the world an uglier place... if the spouse and "friends" who constantly hang around are lamentable burdens you'd love to be rid of, then how is that a victory?

This was a major point of contention during my therapy. I was embedded in some toxic relationships, so-called friendships, at the time. The more I managed to avoid these people, the less miserable my life got; but it also meant that my level of social interaction dwindled, since these were the only relationships I had.

My therapist didn't like that, so she pressured me to be more accommodating of these relationships, so as to raise my level of social interaction. This became an increasingly miserable exercise, and many of those encounters were absolute nightmares. Massive toll on my mental health. But my therapist was delighted, because each ordeal increased my amount of social interaction. This was the only measure she cared about.

So, yeah... relationships, work, a role in the community - none of them are any good unless they are things you can take on and succeed in as your authentic self. If everything in your life is a lie and/or a pretense... well, how can there be any goodness in that?

[Healandlove]

@Shaz51 thank you for the tag.

This is a very good question. For me it is:

* accepting my extended family situation and how it is not what it used to be.

* accepting that I can't change that.

* accepting my husband's cptsd and that we are both different people than we were 22 years ago and before the diagnosis.

* accepting that cptsd has no cure as I have read from others members in this community. 

* accepting that I am not responsible for other people's choices.

* Accepting myself and my mistakes and vulnerabilities.

I am sure I can add more but that's at least a start.

🙏🏻