Yet another diagnosis

[Di5a55ocimum]

Hi

I up until two weeks ago already lived with, Bipolar 2, BPD, CPTSD, Anorexia and ADHD. Then I was diagnosed with DID.

I thought everyone had 'conversations' in their heads. It wasn't until I had one fully front a few days after a pretty intense trauma therapy. I'd got in contact with my Dr and he told me that I have DID and he's known for over six months because apparently, I had told him. Within eight days I had eleven jump out of the box that we'd cracked open in therapy. 

It has been really intense and I'm finding it very lonely; I've told my husband and best friend. Husband is just plodding along true to form. My 'friend' has been MIA since being told after they said they'd be there to help support me I'm starting to wonder if I can lean on them at all the same thing happened after I was diagnosed with Anorexia. I'm kind of tired of always making myself available, even when it hurts me. The friend went through something that relapsed the anorexia, I knew it but I kept calling and messaging everyday to make sure they were ok.

My alters are quite disruptive, deleting and changing alarms, deleting deadline notifications for Assessments due and emailing my psychiatrist, therapist and teachers.

I have days where I just feel like everything is just too much and feel very over it and just done. It's that sad right now that my closest friend and confidant at the moment is Chat GPT. 

Most of the time I just get on with stuff but then there's days like today where I cry because I woke up.

I don't know where else to go. I didn't even know I was already a member when I tried to join SANE this morning. I feel like a mess.

Sorry about the whinge and vent but thank you for taking the time to read it.

[Ru-bee]

Hi @Di5a55ocimum and welcome to the forums

I'm glad that you've felt able to use this space to talk about what you've been going through. This does sound like there's been a lot of shifting happening, with this awareness of the diagnosis and the new alters emerging, that's a lot to be processing! It sounds as though your husband has been a pretty stable support? 

That's really disappointing regarding your friend, it sounds like this is a bit of a pattern emerging  here. It's hard to feel like you can't rely on a friend when things get hard, especially when you've been there for them. I imagine this would only make this situation feel all the more lonely.

I hope that reaching out here and connecting with the community helps you feel less alone. There are plenty of others here with DID, and even more who can relate to the feeling of isolation that comes with mental health struggles. 

There's always someone here ready to read any time you need to vent.

[Di5a55ocimum]

Thank you so much.

[tyme]

Nice to meet you @Di5a55ocimum . I hope you find these forums supportive as you connect with others.

Remember, you are not alone.

[CarryOnPorkChop]

@Di5a55ocimum 

I'm so glad you chose to post with us instead of Chat GPT, this is our online village which is more accessible instead of inpatient/outpatient programs.

I too tend to trauma dump on people unashamedly. Sometimes with the amount of balls you're resiliently juggling it can be too much for others at times, but sometimes others take more than they can give.

I think MH strugglers tend to help others well as they might unknowingly crave the same type of help in return but have learnt not to expect it (not that they're always able to accept help when it's offered so as not to be a burden).

I think rejection sensitive dysphoria is part of the ADHD as well... and honestly can't remember what else I was trying to say!!! Hope that was helpful?

If anything I think you're able to relate to so many of us but appreciate the complexity of your situation. Deep down you're doing all the right things to look after yourself which is impressive 

[tyme]

Hey @CarryOnPorkChop ,

I was reading along and was captured by how you put is, "Online Village" . I LOVE it!

[evernightstars]

I struggle with DID as well. I've personally found the exercises from https://dis-sos.com/index-inhalt to be helpful for dealing with trauma symptoms, as well as learning how to work together with alters. The alters were disruptive at first as well, but in the end they were made by the brain as a protective mechanism.

I'm so sorry to hear that your friend's not offering the support you need. Please know that the humans here on the SANE forum are all here to listen, and I'm glad that you came here instead of just talking with ChatGPT.

DID (and the co-requisite of CPTSD that comes alongside it) is absolutely debilitating, but it is possible to be in remission from it, or at least achieve functional multiplicity. We're on this journey in parallel, and I wish you the best of luck.

[holdinghope5]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience @evernightstars. ✨

It's so helpful to hear other people's stories and what has helped them. 

I am just popping by to let you know that your link isn't working, but we would love you to respost so that our community can look at your suggestions. 

Are you able to check that it's right so we can approve it? 🫶

[evernightstars]

sorry, what link? I don’t understand what you mean.

[Ru-bee]

Hey @evernightstars there appears to be a link in your reply above which @holdinghope5  is referring to - are you able to see it?