Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Belle2]

Hi guys, first time posting. I’m basically at my wits end and I don’t know what to do anymore.

My partner and I have been together for 5 years and for about 4 he has been depressed and suffered from anxiety. There have been good periods, but for the most part he’s just this giant cloud of darkness. Over th past 4 years I’ve tried to get him to get help but he wouldn’t do anything. It got to the point in November when I wanted to leave and he finally agreed to couples counselling. Obviously once we went the therapist picked up on all of his issues and ordered one on one sessions.

I went out last night and came home to him having an absolute breakdown in bed. He was in hysterics, couldn’t breathe and couldn’t function. I feel so overwhelmed by all of this I don’t know how to help and I think staying is killing me.

Now that he’s in therapy we also have the added stresses of the fact that it’s over $100 a session for him plus $200 a session for our couples counselling. We don’t have any money, we are broke, we have bills and I have exams for university coming up and I can’t deal with this. Of course the pressures of this falls on me because at the moment he can barely handle leaving the house.

I need someone to tel me this can get better, that he can respond to therapy and that it will all be okay. But if it isn’t, I need to hear from people that made the decision to leave and how you did it.

I’m so lost, I’m only 22 I don’t know how to take care of someone like this 😞

[greenpea]

@Belle2 Hi Belle2 welcome to the forums. Firstly you sound like a wonderful young lady who really cares for her partner and wants the best for him. Which is great to see but yes 22 is very young to be dealing with this. Is there any family or friends that can help out? or are you alone in dealing with your partner's mental health issues.

Did you know that general practitioners can give people a BOMH packages of 10 (I believe) psychologist appointments which are free. I believe it can be repeated too when the packages run out. That would be something to look into.

Sometimes people have to sink to the lowest point before they drag themselves up again and you did mention that you have been trying for 4 years to get help for your partner but he wouldn't take it. 

It will get better or should I say has the opportunity to get better but it is up to him to make the decision to do the work and it wont be easy. It has to come from him.

Is he on medication? Seeing a psychiatrist? psychologist? He might require a stint in a mental health ward to be properly assessed. These are huge things for you to handle at 22 with your own life to lead ... 

Big decisions for you to make. I don't think I have helped much but in saying that I think the first step is your gp and the BOMBH packages. 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Belle2

Just to clarify that @greenpea is talking about a mental health plan that allows a GP to refer for 10 medicare rebateable psychology visits (some psychologists even bulk bill these visits).

The therapist he sees one on one may even suggest a psychiatric assessment (as GP might if you see them about an assessment). Carers Australia offers some free carer counseling sessions.

Be aware that patients are not good at articulating symptoms to a pdoc and your input might be needed for an accurate diagnosis however unless your partner has given consent the pdoc may or may not be willing to speak to you; this does not stop you from giving your observations - things that are relevant - does your partner have periods of spending too much? Hypersexual? Not having showers? Awake at night, sleeping during day? Sleeping too much, too little? The panic attack - has this happened before? Change in social habits - not catching up with friends? Change in study habits? Bizarre thoughts? Reckless driving? Substance abuse? Here is a talk that might help you in relation to this.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=NRO0-JXuFMY

As for whether or not things will get better - time only will tell. I have chosen to stay and support my husband.