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Shasan
Senior Contributor

Loving ourselves while healing from relationships

Dear community,

 

As a carer, some of us are all too familiar with how mental illnesses or any illness for that matter can be a very emotional time for our loved ones who are affected + the carers.

 

If you have been a carer from a young age or had a parent/sibling to look after, it can truly take a while to reconnect with ourselves as adults - because we may not have had the same support systems that are traditionally available to other children and inadvertently might have led to us feeling unheard, unseen and unacknowledged or believing beliefs that were helpful then but not helpful to us anymore... (although, important to note that no one's life is problem-free). As adults, we can feel the same way in various situations with colleagues, friends or strangers and doubt ourselves, be unsure or feel anxious of judgement etc... (Just a few from my own experience).

 

This post is dedicated to such carers who are learning to find their own ground or trying to find closure from relationship wounds. Experiencing a range of emotions from compassion for our loved ones to burn out and commission fatigue, carers go through their own emotional journey and it can feel very helpless at times. 

 

I posted about my relationship with my mum on this forum a few weeks ago From Daughter of a Schizophrenic Mum - A poem (if anyone else relates) and the peer support has been powerful, to say the least! I also met a soul sister & daughter who's lived a very similar life and we feel validated and supported after hearing each other's stories @maddison ❤️.

 

@maddison and I thought it would be nice to have a thread dedicated to discussing healing from relationships & practicing self-love and self-compassion in that process. 

 

I hope this creates a safe space for anyone going through a tough time navigating emotional relationship wounds, especially as carers & would like to express them and receive support from those who have treaded the path and found a few helpful tools and information. Sharing is half the solution 💕 Healing may not happen overnight but we know there's a place to come to if need be. 🤗

 

Look forward to hear your stories, achievements, struggles, work in progresses ❤️

 

@Rhye and other peer support specialists, I hope this is ok. If you'd like to reframe anything mentioned here please feel free to do so. I also have to be honest, I feel quite anxious starting this thread with the fear that it might open up old wounds in people - but I can see it's part of the process of putting myself out there. 😁

14 REPLIES 14

Re: Loving ourselves while healing from relationships

@Shasan, what an amazing idea! Love that you and @maddison have taken the initiative to start this thread, it's truly what this community is all about 😊

If there is anything we can do to support you please let us know, and I also just want to acknowledge the strength in feeling vulnerable but putting yourself out there...it's courageous and very giving of you. One little bit of peer support advice that was shared with me by @Daisydreamer was to trust your intuition – if things feel right then gently step into it, if when you tune into your thoughts and feelings things don't feel right there is no shame in stepping back out. Be guided by your own needs @Shasan because you are your best advocate 💜

Looking forward to interacting in this thread!

@kayakfisho tagging you here – after reading your posts this morning it seemed like wonderful timing that @Shasan would start this conversation here today.

Rhye ☘️

Re: Loving ourselves while healing from relationships

Best wishes on your journey @Shasan 

I try and trust intuition but end up with bad thoughts.

I find it hard to resolve these thoughts and have even discussed them with my kids and they understand my situation it's just not that simple to step out as I jut go back to a life of chronic pain again 

Re: Loving ourselves while healing from relationships

Hi @Shasan 

 

What a beautiful idea to do this post ❤️❤️❤️

hanami 🌸

Re: Loving ourselves while healing from relationships

Hi @Shasan 

 

What a beautiful idea to do this post ❤️❤️❤️

hanami 🌸

Re: Loving ourselves while healing from relationships

Hi @kayakfisho 

 

Sorry to hear you've been in a chronic pain - I can't imagine what you might be going through. Sending you strength and wishing that you receive the support you need.

 

In the context of this thread, I'm happy to hear that you are discussing and explaining your situation to your children - I'm sure it's not easy and it's perfectly natural if you wish for things to be different ❤️

 

Intuition is lovely but sometimes it's a journey to finding our intuition, going past layers of knowing how our anxiety sounds to then know that insight is coming from intuition - it's usually mostly always has positive undertones, it's not easy because it's usually hinting at a change or next step to take but you'll feel relieved knowing there's a way out. 

 

The thoughts that are making you feel low or drained may not be intuition thoughts. Research says an average human has 12,000-60,000 thoughts a day! 85% of these are negative or unhelpful in nature. So, you're not alone in feeling drained by thoughts that don't feel good ❤️

 

Take care and keep us posted if you're funding it difficult to navigate your talks with family. Wishing all of you love and kindness.

 

Re: Loving ourselves while healing from relationships

Hi @Shasan.,

 

Wow!! This is beautiful💗💗 Thankyou so much for taking the time to start this thread. I think you've done a fantastic job of summarising the 'theme' & communicating our shared vision of learning from one another's experiences.

 

I am preferring it to the previous title, now that I see the change! 💕 You are a wonderful healer & I believe you have very generous soul. You have continued to be in my thoughts as I 'study' my own parental issues.

 

I would describe my childhood, as having to take parent role more often than not. I actually did not consider that I was essentially a carer until I read it here.

 

I like that intuition has been mentioned in this thread too! Due to recent personal discoveries/hypothesis about my parents & how I was treated as a child, I have found my mind doing "flip-flops." I say things to myself like, 'that can't be true', or I try to find supporting evidence for the contrary.

 

In the moment, it feels nicer if I were wrong. It would signify hope. Yet, It would also oppose my intuition. My intuition about the matter feels as clear as day.

 

The hope of previous life is lost & perhaps that is something I will take time to process and grieve. Yet, to stand true with my own self, & the possibilities that affords me is the greatest gift. 

I know it is through the support I have found on these forums, I was able to let myself be confident & take baby steps forward🙂

 

Thankyou @Rhye & @hanami for your support. 💗

 

Thankyou @Shasan !👍♥️

 

 

Re: Loving ourselves while healing from relationships

No thanks necessary @maddison, it's an honour to walk beside you 💛

Re: Loving ourselves while healing from relationships

Such a powerful note to self and others who are reading this @maddison - I really appreciate you sharing the process, so often we hear about the progress only. Thank you for articulating it so well. Doubt > Hope > Intuitive insight > Acceptance. 💕💕💕

 

I wish you strength and kindness as you grieve and grow from the heart's expectation and wish for what couldn't be. I can confirm that there is definitely peace and closure in the middle of all the messy parts 🤗🌅

 

Thank you for your kind words. I'll hold them dear when my doubts or imposter syndromes rise up. ❣️

 

Re: Loving ourselves while healing from relationships

Hi @kayakfisho 

 

How have you been? Just thought I'll check-in. Take care 💕

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