I am sure there are others who can relate!

[Jake63]

I have lived in two share house situations now. On both occasions they did not work out well for me. I will be looking at a new house tomorrow and moving out as soon as I can!

[avant-garde]

Hey @Jake63 

I absolutely can relate! I moved 7 times in 1 year when I first escaped and then all the things I had to put up with at the various places! 

The stories I could tell you! 

What's going on for you?

[Jake63]

I am not surprised!

To provide some very important context: I am a non-binary person on the autism spectrum. I'm currently studying my graduate certificate in autism and neurodivergent studies online at the moment. Prior to living in the house that I am in now I was in another share house that turned out to be a nightmare. So I moved from one nightmare to another. 

A lot has been happening. But to give you an idea, on Tuesday I approached my landlord to clarify that my rent was outstanding. I explained to her that it was a priority for me to sort out my outstanding rent and if she could find out what that amount was and tell me that would be great. I believe I was very polite and reasonable in the way I asked for this, however she returned by saying, categorically, that I don't have any priorities. An extremely poor choice of words if ever I heard them!

Of course I felt very disrespected, and I still believe that she was out of line saying something like that to me. She was out of line in saying that because she doesn't know me as a person, so how can she know what my priorities are in life?

Before I moved in with my landlord me, my support worker, my landlord and her friend met me in person at a cafe and we discussed how much the rent was. I also made it very clear to her that I am very new to share house, I told her that for the past 10 years I had been living on my own - hence why living with others is very new to me. My landlord disclosed her own disability as well. 

In the end we were not a good match, we are two very different people.

[avant-garde]

@Jake63 

If I can be bold and say one thing...

As someone who lived in share housing for 10+ years, you're going to have to deal with very disagreeable landlords, they're not going to be reasonable. 

When it comes to rent, real estate companies manage share homes too, you're better off going through them than through a landlord directly. 

Scheduled direct debit is your best option, that way you have proof that it's paid. 

Don't expect to have a good relationship with your landlord, amicable yes, friends no. 

It's a business transaction, emotions and disability will likely work against us. 

@Ru-bee 

[Appleblossom]

@Jake63good luck with it all. Sad that some people get to disclose their disability and it’s fine to share and yet others may suffer if they disclose. To me, it seems related to power and economic imbalances. Tread carefully. There are different levels of trust, about who we let into our inner circles. 

 @avant-garde very wise post.  

 @Dreamy yes, the stories we could tell …

today I met a very disagreeable landlord in my court. He could be Rude, angry and I had been friendly to him and his wife.  I now notice who gets away with bad behaviour and who is punished. None of us are perfect, but if seems a more and more troubled world. 

[MissinTooth]

@Jake63 My living situation has always felt tenuous too.

Up until recently, I took pride in the fact that I got out of the house, got myself away from living with my parents and hadn't returned, but I've had to challenge that thinking, when recent circumstances meant that I needed to live with them for a while until I could find myself a house and find my feet. 

I've done that now, but it comes with a lot of anxiety about "losing my home." I only have a rental contract for 8 months (it was a take over lease) and I only have an employment teaching contract until December...so I live with the real fear that I could lose all that I've built up, that all of this could be temporary.

I've experienced homelessness and consider myself lucky to have had a friend take me in until I could get myself back on my feet. I slept on her couch for months, then shared a room with her teenage daughter. I've also experienced living in the rental market and how unsafe that can feel. I had a landlord who refused to fix a very leaky bathroom - she kept getting plumbers in to assess and give quotes and each one was too much for her because the damage was too extensive. Meanwhile, it was such a dangerous hazard to me. I ended up breaking my lease and tried to argue it was because of my landlords inability to fix something that made me feel unsafe, and still had to swallow the fact that I didn't get my bond back and ended up with a reputation for being a difficult renter. 

I have never been able to achieve a stable home for myself, so I understand the stress and anxiety it can cause. 

[Jake63]

Thank you for sharing your experience - I entirely understand how difficult it can be to have tricky living situations.

[avant-garde]

Hey @Jake63 how did the viewing go? 

@Appleblossom dreamy hasn't posted in this thread, it was me both times, our pictures are similar colours, thank you for the compliment

[Jake63]

Hey!

So I didn't end up going. I texted the agent and told them I changed my mind.

You wouldn't have known this, but I have a list of suburbs where I would like to live and the place where this viewing was was not in the list I made over two weeks ago!

I have been planning this for over 2 weeks, I know exactly which suburb I want to live in!

[Appleblossom]

Oh… @avant-garde I don’t know how I muddled that up, but maybe from the colours. So sorry. I did think yours was very clear about necessities, priorities and the transactional aspect of the various relationships. I am exhausted and tired lately.

@MissinTooth wish it was easier 

@Jake63 our choices are sometimes limited, but it can be empowering to keep making them. Good luck.