New here!

[Up_da_wahs]

Hi there,

First time in one of these forums so looking for advice or suggestions. I haven't looked through the resources so my answer could be in there so forgive me if i ask something without looking first.

My finance has ADHD and my two children both have ADHD and ASD and I do not. My partner see things differently to how I do and I have done my research on how our brains work differently, I guess I'm just trying to find a way to see things how she does.

Her brain operates at 1000 miles an hour and the best way to describe it is like opening up computer tabs on your laptop. She has so many tabs open and they are things that I would not even think of and some of them are way out of what I would have thought of to do. I feel bad as I didn't see these things (example: we have bags of clothes to donate to Salvos but she wants to sort them into age groups, kids clothes, girls clothes and so on) but my thinking is to just donate the lot and let them sort it. Is there a way to help me see things how she does? Am I just not aware that this is how things are supposed to be done? Again, first time posting so there are many other things that will lead on from here but thought to start with something basic (hopefully)..

[rav3n]

hey @Up_da_wahs welcome to the forums space!!

neurodivergent brains can quite different to neurotypical ones, but please know that 'difference' doesn't make either of them inferior. in fact, it sounds like both your mind probably complement each other! it's really clear that you care about your fiance and kids a lot, and it's lovely to see your eagerness in wanting to learn more and understand them better 💙

i'm don't have ADHD myself, but sometimes my anxious brain does tend overthink things and go beyond what's expected. i guess the anxiety can be a blessing and curse at times for me, it can either make me freeze from overwhelm or make me an extra considerate person! 

we've got a lovely space for our ADHD folks here, and there are some resources in the first post that might provide you more understanding too: Wait what did I come into this thread for again? O... - SANE Forums

hope that helps get you started, and feel free to keep reaching out here!

[Appleblossom]

I worked in opshops for a while. There is no need to sort, as they may decide to arrange by colour. @Up_da_wahs It sounds like she is under pressure and trying hard. The way your brain works, matters too, so I hope there is some give and take. It is needed in any relationship regardless of diagnoses. It also matters that you care enough to learn about it all. Usually 2 people with the same diagnosis will not be exactly the same, so there isn’t one size fits all. Humour can help, gently, when you are on the same page. However differences make up the spice of life, so I hope you find enough ways to resonate, and enjoy the space between the trees…

[Up_da_wahs]

Thank you so much. I'll look at the post you mentioned and it dies give me a good starting block

[Up_da_wahs]

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. It's more I want to help release some of the stress from her but without having to ask her what can I do as this can open up another "tab" she has to worry about...I know I need to become more aware of what needs to be done but it's finding the things that she might think about doing and getting on to them before she even notices..I hope that makes sense, like a pro active approach rather than a reactive approach.

[tyme]

Hey @Up_da_wahs ,

Thanks for sharing. I totally agree with what you are saying in terms of using a proactive rather than reactive approach. 

As they say, prevention is better than cure 🙂