Lack of Work Motivation

[Tiggeroo]

Heya Guys,

So my partner (28, Bipolar) is going through a depression rutt at the moment, and thats ok, we have been to our GP and started seeing a new Psych (we have just relocated interstate), but my problem is work.

He is amazing at his job and has 10 years industry experience. I know he is amazing at what he does as he has been offered a promotion opportunity with his new employer after only being there for 2 months... But he hates going to work...

He says he likes his co-workers and the job is fine, but "he would rather be dead than have to work every day for the rest of his life". This isnt a new problem, he left a previous employer after 10 years for the same reason. During this depression cycle he has had 4 days where he just cant go to work, he is there today but hating it... His employers know his history and are very supportive as are his co-workers but i just dont know what to say, or how to motivate him.

We are not in a position financially for him to just stop working either... and when he is out of routine (working) his depression spirals out of control. it is going to work and keeping the routine that keeps him stable.

I am also now emotionally tired myself and trying not to snap and tell him no one likes work but we still go as i am highly aware this is not a helpful response... has anyone else experienced this?

FYI... we have another Psych appointment on thursday so i am hoping she will address it with him with a little poking from me... but until then, im on my own and not winning the battle!

thanks

xx

Tigs

[Former-Member]

Hi @Tiggeroo (love that username!!)

Welcome to the Forums 🙂

We have a number of members who are supporting their husband - @Maple @Tatsinda @M_A @Faith-and-Hope just to name a few. I wonder if anyone else has encountered a similar issue with their hubby?

I'm curious to know a bit more about what makes him feel this way about work. Is it that he finds the line of work unfulfilling? Does he have another interest or passion that he prefers to pursue that work impeaches on? It's good to hear at least his employer is supportive and understanding when he needs to have some time off. He must be a good at what he does to be promoted so quickly. Though being good at what we do doesn't necessarily translate into loving what we do. It's understandable stopping work all together is not an option financially and wouldn't help his mental health anyway. But I wonder, is there any capacity to move down to part-time? Even just having one extra day to ourselves each week can be hugely rejuvenating and can carve out more margin to focus on self-care and recovery goals etc. Obviously it depends on your unique situation of course. Look forward to hearing more from you @Tiggeroo !

[GiveAndReceive]

Hi

My partner also has Bipolar, and her episodes are usually on the depressive side. I feel to share a little of my experience in case it helps you in any way.

When she is depressed, it alters the way she thinks, feels and experiences the world. She can't just snap out of it. It seems like there is a darkness over everything - a darkness that doesn't respond to logic or most other things, 

I have come to come to see the depression as a illness, and just like I wouldn't expect someone with a fever to 'just snap out of it', neither can I expect her to.

The depression has to run its course, and as it eases, she sees the world in a more balanced way. We are learning more about what actually helps her when she is depressed. She has found an antidepressant that is really helpful, and we can increase and decrease her dose based on her needs (with the Dr guiding us), and that is good. When she is depressed, she seems to spiral down if she is left alone very much, so I try to be beside her as much as I am able. I try to keep her participating in life a little more than she wants to, because that seems to help too.  She feels like lying in a dark room but that seems to get her more stuck. Some studies find even light exercise to be very helpful.

I also want to acknowledge you. I really do. Supporting someone with bipolar is one of the hardest and most thankless and isolating things I have done in my life. What you are doing is really hard, and I think you, and everyone who is doing it, is amazing!  Trying to support hI'm to keep working, because you both need the income, but he is not well, and doesn't really want to work, is really hard.   

I hope your Dr can perhaps help with adjusting meds in some way. We are very careful adjusting meds when she is unwell because we have found that she can get worse very easily - but it is all about careful trial and error.

All the best.

[Tiggeroo]

Thanks guys, we did up the antidepressant and have seen the new psych twice this week and I think he is now beginning to see the light again!
Luckily our new psych observed very quickly that my partner needs routine to keep the depression at bay... And has convinced him in the benefits of going to work!
Fingers crossed we continue on the up and I get my amazing boy back to normal! @GiveAndReceive I hear what you are saying, but I can honestly say I wouldn't change my life for anything, as tough as the tough times are, the good times are equally as good!
xx
Tigs

[GiveAndReceive]

That is so good to hear that you wouldn't change for anything, and that the tough times are balanced by really good times.

[Tiggeroo]

My boy is almost back! 

Well he is back at work and showing motivation so fingers crossed we just continue up the hill to our happy place again!

@GiveAndReceive the good times are definetly more than worth the bad... and trust me... we have had some bad times haha... I find telling myself (and my partner) that his depressive behaviour isnt normal, and that he wont be like this forever helps. I feel like i am almost convincing both of us that we are going to be ok. I think from his perspective that it helps because whilst he isnt feeling hopeful himself he can see I am, so he feels like he should try for me, more than for him, which helps push him through the tough times when he just wants to give up. 

xx

Tigs

[Shaz51]

Hello @Tiggeroo, @GiveAndReceive, @Former-Member

How are you today ??

Hope you are ok , been thinking of you

[Tiggeroo]

Hello!!!!
It's been TOO long!!! xx
What a roller coaster we have been on, which is why I have been MIA as it's hard to type whilst gripping on for dear life!
My wonderful boy fell into such a massive black hole I wasn't actually sure we were going to see the light again... but my mum... who just quietly may actually be the best mum ever... came and helped me drag him back into the sunshine! We have found a new psychiatrist whom we really like, he reconfirmed the bipolar diagnosis and drastically modified the medication schedule he is on, he quit work to focus on getting better which was a hard decision but needed to be made, and we are now back somewhere just shy of our happy place, where most days a good, we laugh... a lot... and we know we can make it through anything!
To say it has been an easy 6 weeks would be a lie, but we are here, we have a plan and we are moving forward!
I have missed you guys!!! I'm glad to be back!
xx
Tigz

[Hopeless]

Wow what a wonderful glimmer of hope that has given me this morning. You and your mum are amazing and what an awesome achievement for your boy. Keep these coming.i need to know things get better.

[Shaz51]

Right on @Hopeless xoxo

Hello @Tiggeroo, It is soooooo great to hear from you , it has been a long time but you are here my friend

You and your mum are Awesome  and what an awesome achievement for your boy., sending you all hugs