Hi @Pearl146
It's a bit of a catch 22 situation as not setting bounderies can lead to a child not taking responsibility for their mental health knowing all too well they don't need to step-up anf grow up as Mum and Dad will catch them and take whatever behaviour they throw at them. It can become a bad habit and toxic cycle for all involved.
Always remember that people who take their meds and take responsibility can lead a full life with bi-polar disorder. Can you talk to the hospital as to what support services are available for adults living independantly?. Afterall he will eventually want to leave home.
I feared the same as you but had little choice when I was close to breaking point and my younger daughter was traumatised. I spoke to a psychologist who kept me strong re bounderies. My daughter has returned home and has so much more appreciation for her family and respect for our bounderies. Goes to headspace regularly and when she's having a bad day or two chooses to stay at friends. Our relationship is so much better. There is no easy answer but if what you are doing is not working and causing a breakdown within the family things need to change. My daughter resented me for mollycodling her too as she said she's an adult and she said I treated her like a baby. Having no consequences when they lash out and for them not taking their meds or seeking counselling I learnt is actually stunting their growth/independence. They become so dependent on us which is not healthy.
We want to encourage them to eventually become self reliant re their mental health, afterall we will not be here forever to take care of them. We can love them and support them but in the end their mental health is their responsibility not ours. Hope this helps and that you can find some additional support services available to assist your son lead a productive life. Take care.
