Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Appleblossom]

This has been posted on another site as a Bill of Rights developed in Belgium.

I will put it on both forums as it may be applicable to Carers and those with Lived Experience.

Any additions, changes or thoughts welcome

BILL of RIGHTS

The bereaved person has the right to

1. mourn in their own way and in the time it takes.

2. know the truth about the suicide, to see the body of the deceased, and to organise the funeral with respect to one's own ideas or rituals

3. consider the suicide as a result of several interrelated causes that produced unbearable pain for the deceased: suicide is not a free choice.

4. live wholly with joy and sorrow, free of stigma and judgement.

5. respect one's own privacy as well as the deceased.

6. find support from relatives, friends, colleagues and survivors, as well as from professional helpers who have knowledge and insight in the dynamics of bereavement, potential risk factors, and in the practical consequences.

7. be contacted with the clinician/caregiver (if any) who treated the deceased person.

8. not be considered as a suicide candidate or a patient.

9. place one's experiences in the services of other survivors, caregivers, and everyone who seeks to better understand suicide and suicide bereavement.

10. never be as before: there is a life before the suicide and a life afterwards.

[Former-Member]

I wonder if there is something similar for those who have attempted.

[Zoe7]

Hi @Appleblossom I don't often visit 'this side' but this Topic really stood out for me.

I have a question in regards to point 2 - specifically 'know the truth about the suicide' - is this in relation to knowing the actual means or the reasoning why? I think there is a very large gap between these two and a much larger conversation that would have to happen if it is the latter. Interested in your perspective on this @Appleblossom

[Former-Member]

Hi @Appleblossom

A very enlightening post. I never knew there was such a bill proposed in recognition for those bereaved by suicide.  As when a person dies naturally there is a natural grieving process, but when one is bereaved by the loss of a loved one through suicide - it is a whole different scenario. And judgement and some people around us not being able to empathise can add salt to the injury. The pain unspeakable for those left behind too. I am so glad you shed some light on this topic. 

It is a very emotive topic for me that I nearly passed on by, but too important for those left bereaved to ignore also.

I, like @Former-Member, would be interested to know if there was something similar for those effected by loved ones who have attempted also, with the emphasis of the topic being of the effects on those left behind.

I can relate to both sides of this tragedy as having survived myself a serious suicide attempt when I had a mental breakdown, and then some years later witnessing my daughter's attempt - both due to mental illness and despair. To be totally honest when I look back at that time I attempted what I can see in hindsight is that it was a choice I made at the time to end the pain. It was becoming unbearable for me as I could not see beyond it. But glad I did not suceed as for me it would of been a mistake. I see that now but could not see that at the time. And can totally relate to why one would do it and to the pain passed on.

[Appleblossom]

@Zoe7  Perhaps the bill is referring to the fear, shame, euphemisms and secrecy that used to shroud a suicide.  I tend to see "truth" as a complicated term and when it refers to suicide even more so. Yes there are probably grey areas there.

@Former-Member It is hard. I have walked on both sides too.  I thought the Bill addressed a few of my wishes that had not come true... wouldn't it be nice ....

 As suicidal ideation is a common problem for people struggling with mental health issues.  I though it worth putting out there.

[Former-Member]

Hello @Appleblossom

It would be nice my friend. I am very glad you put it out there as it is a very important topic to address and very relevant on here. Thank you for sharing it xx

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member

I have struggled to find information for family members of attempt survivors and very little for patients esp as at present my husband who attempted has a medical complication from it at present requiring surgery.

For myself I found the grief in caring and grief in diagnosis articles helpful (which I posted on this thread) along with the general supports for carers of those with MI.

Darcy

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member

Thank you for letting me know about the articles on grief in caring and diagnosis. I can certainly relate and will search for them here and read them.

Oh @Former-Member, I was not aware of your husband's suicide attempt. This must be devastating for you as it was for me with my daughter. I found I was strong in the months after but the effects/grief hit me sometime much further along afterwards. I am still dealing with it.  I think that was because I wouldnt allow myself to feel that at first (although shock is unavoidable), to remain strong for her. It's now she has turned a corner it's hitting me. 

It was devastating for my husband too with my own attempt years ago and we have discussed this. I don't want to go into this too much further - I just want you to know how much I feel for you and how much I do genuinely care. The pain is great, I know. As @Appleblossom stated this is so hard. And sometimes no words to describe are adequate, but being a survivor of an attempt myself and witnessing my daughter's renewed zest for life after hers -  the tide can turn and moving forward not looking back is indeed very possible. Wishing you and your husband complete healing. Holding you close to my heart ❤️ 

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member
We might perhaps have some common feelings and if you would like to talk more about them I would be amenable to this. Perhaps another post might be the spot for it. If you would like to, please tag me. If you do, please be aware I can be quite clinical but I will be honest, I don't have children.
Darcy