Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Daniel1]

Hello all,

I have just joined out of desperation and despair. In April 2020 my wife had a psychotic breakdown after a series of stress events in our lives including being evacuated from the bushfires while on a camping holiday. She was hospitalised for five weeks and came out a completely different person. 

I tried everything to care and meet her needs; taking leave from work to care for her but in her highly paranoid state she has blamed me 100% for her breakdown (her words). 

Her mental state became so fraught and after one month post hospital she got her brother to tell me our marriage was over. I've been living in a vacuum ever since. I left the family home under threat from her family of an AVO being taken out against me.  I have never been abusive towards my wife.

I left out of respect and my love for her. Now almost one year later I still have no explanation or closure and have been living out of a suitcase and couch surfing with friends since I left. I'm not looking for advice on changing the situation; just support, empathy and understanding for what has happened. I keep thinking this is a nightmare and it will pass but my wife is now perpetrating this delusion that she ended the marriage out of fear for her personal safety. I have lost friendships because of this. She is incredibly convincing according to some of the friends who have stood by me and refused to entertain her narrative.

She is not seeking treatment according to our two sons and will not communicate with me at all. I have had as much counselling and treatment as I could get to deal with my grief. I understand that I must try and move on but I love my wife immeasurably and had been with her for 41 years since age 18. 

[AussieRecharger]

Hey @Daniel1 

Sorry to hear your story.  You will be grieving as your relationship with your wife has died and will never be the same again.  Even if she did turn around and want you back, you would always have this period in your life to reflect on. 

At this stage, I would say that you need to protect yourself.  How you do that is your call but sleeping on friends couches and hearing all these stories will be taking a toll on you.

How are you going emotionally?  Have you seen a doctor? Do you still go to work and feel like getting out of bed?

The other thing I would do is keep notes of the accusations you are hearing.. try to get as much information as possible such as times and date of went this occurred and who gave you the information.

[greenpea]

@Daniel1  Daniel1 we had family stressors years ago which sent me into a psychosis which has caused me to have bipolarI/schizoaffective disorder.  My husband at the time didnt understand and the marriage broke up  now after much medical intervention and forgiveness from both sides our relationship is strong as friends. Psychosis is a awful mental illness and totally changes the person it inflicts itself on.

Hopefully your wife will be able to get the help she needs and in the future you and her will be friends again. In the meantime take care of yourself. We are a caring bunch of people here so do feel free to have alook at the various postings and when you are ready you might like to add to some. Just remember to put a @ in front of the persons name you want to talk to and they will get a notification of your post. Again take care. greenpeaxxx

[Daniel1]

Hello Greenpea. Thank you so much for your message. I have certainly personally witnessed her psychosis but she keeps a tight mask on for everyone else and according to my sons is not seeking treatment. When she was discharged from the psychiatric facility she was a lot more like her 'old' self but I will always wonder if she was effectively medicated in the hospital and stopped her medication upon discharge. To watch her unravel before my eyes is something I will never get over. 

[Daniel1]

@greenpea Thank you so much for your message. I have certainly personally witnessed her psychosis but she keeps a tight mask on for everyone else and according to my sons is not seeking treatment. When she was discharged from the psychiatric facility she was a lot more like her 'old' self but I will always wonder if she was effectively medicated in the hospital and stopped her medication upon discharge. To watch her unravel before my eyes is something I will never get over. 

[greenpea]

@Daniel1  I really appreciate where you are coming from psychosis is a dreadful thing and left untreated will just recur. You must look after yourself to be strong enough to deal with the fall out for yourself and your sons and for that matter your wife.  I might suggest seeing a psychologist ( a good one)  but start with your trusted gp. I will be going into hospital in just over a week for awhile but there are many other caring people online who would be more than willing to listen. Take care. greenpeaxx