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Minnie2
New Contributor

Lost and need some help

Hi,

 

I have been. Researching BPD my teenage son has been out of sorts for a long time. I used to wonder why does he have this passionate hate for me, talk to me so terribly and I feel I’ve been in a turmoil of confusion, eggshells and emotional abuse. It’s at the point I had to send him to his dads to live :(. 
I’ve been a single mum with him pretty much all the time the last 13 years.

I had so many why questions why is he like this why does he speak like that to me why does he twist things and so much more.

we went to a psych last year as it was not a healthy environment. Finally I may have some answers as a clinical psych thinks he may have BPD.

I am finding this all to hard to accept, deal with, I feel sad, guilty, wondering where I went wrong and mostly I feel I am grieving. There is so much more I could write pages and pages. I see a psych too as I have PTSD from work previously in emergency services. 
I feel what I need right now is strategies on how I deal with my son. I’ve argued with him, I’ve tried to be calm, offered affection, been empathetic and I feel nothing works and I can’t win 😞

4 REPLIES 4

Re: Lost and need some help

Good Evening @Minnie2 ,

 

Thank you for reaching out and posting - I'm glad you have found us.

 

I hear how challenging things are for you at the moment.

 

From what I know of BPD and through my own personal experience, BPD manifests itself from late teenage-hood and into adulthood. This is when the brain has fully developed into an adult brain. If you don't mind me asking, how old it your son? 

 

I've worked with many teenagers and what you are describing seems to be quite common. Teenagehood is when their brains are rapidly changing. Networks in the brain are being pruned, ready for new growth. This change causes a lot of emotional changes, a change in sleep patterns, risk-taking, just to name a few.

 

If you're interested, there's a book that both scientifically and anecdotally explains these changes. The book is called Blame My Brain: the Amazing Teenage Brain Revealed by Nicola Morgan.

 

Despite it being challenging, the good news is, that if your son is in his early teens, it is the perfect time for him to receive the help he needs whether it be through the school wellbeing team, or an outside service. Guidance by a professional will enable him to develop healthy networks in the brain - of course, only if he is willing.

 

Now when it comes to 'What have I done wrong?' - NOTHING. Your son seems to be a typical teenager.

 

As we cannot provide medical advice on our services, if able, I'd encourage him to see a GP for perhaps a referral to a specialist.

 

On the other hand, if he is not willing, there's little you can do - but continue have open arms towards him.... and WAIT.

 

All the best,

tyme

 

 

Re: Lost and need some help

Hi Tyme, 

 

thank you for your response he is nearly 17. His behaivours are not normal teenage behaivour. A clinical psychologist has seen him and there are narcissistic tendencies and he thinks He fits under Cluster B and more than likely BPD. Yes have seen a GP which is where I got a referral from. 


Re: Lost and need some help

Thank you for clarifying.

 

It's a great start @Minnie2 that he has gone to see the GP and specialist. If he is willing, therapy will really assist him, but it takes time and perseverance.

 

From what you've just described, your son realises something is 'not right'. Does he know what he wants out of life, or for his future?

 

As for yourself, besides your clinical psych, do you have other supports you can talk to? e.g. family or friends? Please remember your own self care so that you will be well enough for your son.

 

Take care,

tyme

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