Forums Home
Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Welcome & getting started

Brownowl
New Contributor

Can’t support husband anymore. Next steps?

Hi everyone. I’m struggling with my husband right now. He has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and has a drinking problem. He has suffered from family and child sexual abuse. He has started taking medication but claims he can’t get an appointment with a therapist. Things have been particularly wobbly over the last two years but now the wheels have completely fallen off. One day things are great, the next he’s at home drunk. I pull him up on it but he threatens to harm himself  if I leave. I’m just frustrated, frightened and tired. It almost feels like he’s psychotic. I’ve tried to help but now he just resents it and I’m the worst person in the world. If I’m honest with myself I want him out. I really don’t know what to do next. I feel like whatever is going to be awful. We have a child together and I want to do anything in my power to give her a healthy and happy life. Does anyone have any advice? 

5 REPLIES 5

Re: Can’t support husband anymore. Next steps?

Hi @Brownowl

Wishing you a warm welcome to the forums. 😊

I can hear that you’re having a hard time at the moment – there's a lot you're trying to process there on your own as well as provide support to your partner.

I want to acknowledge the strength it takes to reach out for support. If you’re open to the suggestion, it might help to reach out to those in your circle you feel comfortable talking to i.e. other friends and family, a trusted GP or a mental health worker, such as a counsellor. If you’re open to a 1-on-1 chat with a counsellor the SANE help centre is open from 10am-10pm Mon-Fri and the number is: 1800 187 263. All our counsellors are trained to provide a non-judgemental and confidential session with the opportunity to explore your challenges and provide strategies for longer-term help.

You might also find this SANE Boundary Setting and Mental Illness webpage useful too.

I will also tag in some of the lovely forumites that may be able to share some pearls of wisdom: @Zoe7 @Dallas @Aniela @Powderfinger @Gazza75 @Daisy15 @Appleblossom @Eve7 
@Smiling_Gecko @Mortiis 

Please go gently with yourself @Brownowl , and if you feel able it would be great to hear how you’re getting on in the forums.
 
Sirius

Re: Can’t support husband anymore. Next steps?

Thank you. I’ll give them a call tomorrow. 

Re: Can’t support husband anymore. Next steps?

Hi @Brownowl , Welcome!

 

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Is your husband’s doctor able to link him into other supports?

 

Also, I hope you find support for yourself too. I have a work colleague in the same situation. It was so stressful on the relationship. Having three young kids didn’t help. Ended up being a vicious cycle of stress.

 

All the best.

Re: Can’t support husband anymore. Next steps?

Hello @Brownowl so sorry to hear that you are in this situation. You obviously love your partner but cant do anything to lift him out of his anxiety/depression and addiction to alcohol. It doesn't sound like an enviable situation to be in for either of you.

 

There is a new therapy called Mental and Emotional Release which I learned about from the Chopra Center in the USA. Don't know if there are any therapists doing this modality in Australia but it gets astonishing results when dealing with emotional trauma according to psychiatrists and psychologists.  I have provided a screenshot of the book. They have not seen such outcomes before with other therapies.

 

With your partners anxiety/depression he may have poor vagal tone. The vagus nerve runs right through the body and having this nerve attended to can dramatically reduce levels of anxiety.  There are instructional videos on you tube on how to work with your vagus nerve to fine tune it and alleviate anxiety.  I had a facebook friend that did vagus nerve stimulation and her anxiety was dramatically reduced.

 

You may also benefit from Trudy Scott's (nutritionist's) work on anxiety. Trudy used to suffer with chronic anxiety and her stress levels were at an all time high - she says you can realistically reduce your anxiety to zero.  All her materials are online and are for free apart from her book.  She has a blog called everywomanover29 and there is stacks of information that is free. 

 

Alcohol is only going to make his depression worse but I sense its a coping mechanism to drown out negative emotions and trauma. 

 

I hope you have some success with exploring these ideas.  I have witnessed some incredible turnarounds in people

 

 

Screen Shot 2022-07-06 at 8.54.16 am.png

Re: Can’t support husband anymore. Next steps?

@Brownowl 

Hello and welcome to the forum.  Not sure what is best in your situation as everybody is unique. You are the best person to make the calls. Feeling manipulated is not good for relationship. How old is your child? Yes there are waiting lists for therapists but at least he should be able to get onto one, if he tries.  

I did leave after 16 years, but thats my story.

Take care and do your due diligence.

Apple

 

 

Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

For urgent assistance