Caring for my husband who makes up stories about me

[enngem]

@AussieRecharger thanks for your reply. It is actually nice to know I am not alone as I was starting to feel like I was going a bit mad! 

[AussieRecharger]

How are you this week @enngem ?

[enngem]

Hi @AussieRecharger, 

Not too good I'm afraid. 

Had an incident over the weekend. 

Hubby can't remember many of the incidents and accusations of the past 6 months. 

I thought he was having an episode of some kind so I called an ambulance for him. But no one came as he told them over the phone that he was fine. 

I've discovered a number of lies he has told me, he has kept recordings of me to try to prove his sanity, and having read about gaslighting, I am 100% sure that's what's happening here. He keeps telling me I'm delusional abd mentally unwell, he even emailed my family with the same. 

He's telling me he doesn't need to see the psychologist or pachiatrist any more because they've both given him a clean bill of health, and that they've both apparently told him that's its me with the issues. 

I've contacted them both today, as well as ny own psychologist to get some info and guidance. I don't know what to do anymore. 

I can't deal with him myself any more because I am too sad, scared, and frustrated to react calmly to him any more. 

Hoping to get some more information from them asap and see where to go from there. 

[AussieRecharger]

@enngem Well, I am glad I reached out.

Can I ask you whats the value of your relationship now?  Are you his carer or his wife or both?  

The reason I ask is it seems like he no longer wants you to be his carer and I wonder if there is a way you can step back from that part and focus on your relationship being his partner...

What options would you like to be present to help you at the moment if we were in a perfect world? 

[enngem]

@AussieRecharger 

Good question! 

Honestly, I've put a halt to anything intimate because I am feeling like he is just lying to me all the time and I can't trust hom right now. And also because he isn't the man I used to know. 

If I could, I would want him to go to somewhere live-in where he could get support and help every day for an intensive period. I can't live here like this any more. 

I also want to hear from his clinicians about what's really going on, so I can feel reassured and confident again. 

If I could just be certain that someone was helping him and caring him so that I wouldn't have to all the time, that would be a big relief! 

But when it's 8 weeks between psych appointments, that's a long time to be without professional support! 

[Bipolarcarer]

Sorry to hear your story, it relfects a lot of the stuff I am experiencing with my bipolar partner.

I think the advantage you have is the ability to talk to his psych, I would do that.. I would also try and see if they can increase the frequency of the appointments..

Sorry that's the best I have, stay strong and look after yourself.

[Bipolarcarer]

Ohh I also wanted to confirm my partner says a lot of stuff I struggle to deal with and then can't remember it.. Even now that she is 'stable' it happens A LOT still.. I am not sure if this is common or not but it is very familiar..

I used to think she was manipulating me intentionally but I am starting to believe she really is that confused about what she says.. Though my partner is also a heavy marijunna user so not sure how much that plays into it..

[ShiningStar]

Hi @enngem 

It’s lovely to hear from you 

Thank you so much for sharing a little bit more about your experiences 

Contacting the ‘mental health triage team’ out of sheer and utter desperation makes so much sense and I wondered if this resulted in some mixed emotions, as on the one hand the staff member who you spoke with reiterated that you have done everything possible and yet on the other hand, a sense of desperation prevails, as no-one can offer the support that you need to address what’s currently happening 

I’m so sorry to hear about your experience in relationship counselling and I can only imagine how it must feel to watch another door close so rapidly in front of you. I can also really appreciate your reservations in relation to attending further relationship counselling as from what you’ve described, trying to establish if this is something that has been recommended is incredibly difficult.

I’m so pleased that your Psychologist has been helpful and from what you’ve described it sounds as though she has been instrumental in co-ordinating some support for your husband.

The support that she’s currently providing really does sound invaluable and I really hope that you can schedule an appointment to see her again soon 

Please remember that you’re always welcome to reach out here whenever you feel that you need to - even if it’s just to vent and offload some of the things that are currently happening for you 

Take care of yourself,

ShiningStar 

[Goldengirl13]

@Anastasia I can relate. I m fairly sure my hubby is displaying delusional jealousy. We met with a marriage councillor yesterday and she was at a loss how to help. 

You are not alone. 10 months now and I am worn down.