Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[CherryBomb]

@MIFSAsupport can you tell us about what carers can do to care differently in terms of boundaries?

[MIFSAsupport]

I think if we are clear about boundaries and aiming to be sure that the person you care for understands can be helpful. Writing down the agreed particulars of the boundary being set and displaying it for both to see is one way to do this.

[CARING4CARERS]

@MIFSAsupport I have a question... what advice would you give carers around maintaining boundaries when we feel the need to get involved or give advise to the person we care for to prevent them from engaging in behaviour that leads to more anxiety and stress for them? It's often hard to keep the boundaries when we can see things deteriorating.

[CherryBomb]

@MIFSAsupport how can we start to plan boundaries around our values? I imagine for some carers, setting boundaries can seem at odds with values. For instance, I have spoken to carers who feel at odds living with their loved, while also being misberable because they don't want to ask them to leave. For parents, espcially asking their children to leave goes against their values. Any thoughts on how to find that balance with your values?

[MIFSAsupport]

Effective communication is paramount. we need to listen to hear not in order to respond. The language we use is so imnportant.  rahter that saying "You" need to change, try "I" need to make some changes.  We can't chang ethe person we care for but we can change they way we care.

[MIFSAsupport]

Identifying ones values is very fruitful when setting boundaries for both you and the person you care. For example, someone who avoids family members or is not motivated to get dressed each morning, may identify that “I like/love my family and spending time with them” The discrepancy between what the person values and their current behaviour, would be discussed with the professional. This provides a reason for them to change.

[MIFSAsupport]

@CARING4CARERS 

The carer or support role is a balancing act between "care giving" and "care taking"

The desire to help someone, especially those close to us, is just human nature. Sometimes, this act of kindness can backfire on us. Are we enabling or empowering? care taking or care giving? Are we lending a hand to help people accomplish things they could not do by themselves.

[Shaz51]

I agree @CARING4CARERS xx

[Mama_Penguin]

Hi @MIFSAsupport and othets

Not sure if I just post away with a question but here goes:

Any advice on setting boundaries with my work place? I've had a lot of unplanned leave - often days and weeks at a time in my caring role. I've felt some pressure to be at work (eg. Emails listing all the tasks that aren't getting done).

I've been very open about my caring role and responsibilities but have only been in this job a short time and don't want to be seen as a "problem".

[CherryBomb]

@MIFSAsupport in terms of how we approach caring, how do we navigate when caring may ask us to challenge our values?