Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[suzanne]

Hi @Former-Member, what you're describing does sound like emotional numbing.  For me it certainly wasn't a conscious choice - in fact I never even realised it had happened until it was pointed out.  It was an unconscious coping mechanism that just went way too far.  I remember doing a sandplay therapy course and creating a scene in which I was this little frog being attacked by a whole range of nasty creatures!  I wasn't consciously feeling under-attack but I was so very drained that some part of my psyche felt that way.

Have you been feeling regularly over-whelmed during the past year?  I think that's generally a precursor. 

[suzanne]

Just thought to add @Former-Member that you're also describing some symptoms of depression.  But you'd need to throw in persistent sadness.  That isn't necessarily part of the burnout.

[Former-Member]

@suzanne - yes, very overwhelmed but faced the situation at the time very well (daughter had a suicide attempt, husband sick with various surgeries, ongoing construction and noise next door and virtually I hadn't had a days peace). But I have been facing up to it well and soldiered on without a hiccup. These symptoms I am experiencing have been happening over the last few weeks. Still under stress as that is my life situation but there has been improvement. I can't understand why now I would be weakening. 

[suzanne]

Snappiness is a classic sign @Tanoozle.  It sounds like you might have been smart enough to put strategies in place before things went too far.  Time out and socialisation are very protective. 

We did a webchat last year (you can watch it here) in which a carer talked about what she wished she'd have known at the beginning of her journey.  And how essential self-care is was her main thing.  I think we often take on the responsibility without knowing what it will cost us.  So we don't self-protect soon enough.

You might be ahead of the curve Tanoozle!

[Former-Member]

@suzanne - I have been a little teary and a bit sad (mildly), but when I start to feel low I will block it out with various activities (playing words, puzzles, reading, sewing - anything to distract). As I can't allow myself to become depressed again. My whole family would fall apart if that was to happen....what should I do (I can't take anti depressants)

[Shaz51]

Hello @Former-Member, @suzanne

I have been a little teary lately  -- this is i think why hubby said I might need some meds to help me

[suzanne]

Not weakening @Former-Member - simply running out of your reserves.  You may have hit the limits of your resilience.  We're like cars - we need to be refueled and maintained or we grind to a halt.  Which can look like different things for different people.

Amongst all those challenges (huge both physically and emotionally) were you regularly carving out time for yourself?  I know that it's such an over-used phrase that it's become a bit meaningless.  But I know with complete certainty that if I'd swum and meditated more frequently back then I would have made it through.

So could your physical and/or emotional reserves have run dry?  And what tends to fill them back up? 

[Tanoozle]

Some great tips. Also good to know I can go back through this and previous chats

[suzanne]

@Shaz51 you've just described a fairly classic situation in which we burn out.  We're coping, coping, coping, keep lobbing back the balls over the net.  But then too many come at us at once and suddenly we go under.  We're not coping anymore.  It wasn't any one thing - it was the cumulative effect of all that came before and too many immediate problems to face.

So it's time to slow down and re-direct some of your care and attention back to yourself. Refuel yourself.  What works for you in that sense Shaz?  Time alone?  Time with others?  Walks, baths, movies.  These things aren't trivial.  Pile enough on and they allow us to keep going.  Ignore them and we grind to a halt.

[Shaz51]

I agree @Tanoozle

there are some great tips

@suzanne, love to here more to come back from physical,and burnout  ??