Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Mazarita]

Thanks for the responses, @suzanne and @CherryBomb. 

To answer your question about how things work with me and the man I live with, @suzanne, I think relationship has been going well for the most part for quite some time. A part of this is probably the amount of time we have been in the relationship (13 years). It was certainly a lot harder earlier on. As @CherryBomb mentioned, there have been some boundaries established over time. I have taken many steps to avoid the explosive anger I had earlier in the relationship. This never happens now. On his part, knowing I am easily triggered and disturbed when he goes into dark and scary monologues about his inner world, he keeps these to himself more than he used to. The communication is not really our strong point but we have learned from each other nonethless. Love is a strong point between us and that counts for a lot. When I say love, I mostly mean genuine friendship and caring. For me, that is the most important thing in any human relationship.

When it comes to the forum, I can't say I have felt really safe engaging here at all since the suicide of a friend's daughter not long ago. This triggered memories of other suicides in my life and just made me feel too vulnerable somehow to deal with others' pain. Tonight's webinar is the first real engagement at SANE I've had for quite some time. I plan to be part of more of this series as a way of re-engaging.

[leitor]

@suzanne A bit difficult as my wife doesn't accept her diagnosis - there is nothing wrong with her! I'm hoping to hear from the Dr. in the two days left before I fly out.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Mazarita,

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. Losing someone to suicide is not easy. It's understandable that you're having some time out from the Forums. It's so important to attend to your own pain before you can attend to the pain of others. Of course, we miss you on the Forums, but we understand. And if there is anything that we can do to help you feel safe on here, just let us know what we can do. 

I'm glad that you'll be around for the rest of the webinars. We've certainly been busy bees working behind the scenes getting them together. Glad to hear that it's a gateway to re-engaging with SANE again. 

[suzanne]

It's great to hear that you're finding your way back to the forums @Mazarita but even better to know that you're doing it carefully and on your own terms.  It's always lovely to see your name pop up but we never want it to be at any cost to yourself.

I'm so sorry to hear about your friends daughter and what a triggering event it's been for you.  It sounds like there have been many sad losses and that they were demanding your time and attention.  I hope that eases for you.

It's interesting to hear about the changes in your relationship.  I've been with my partner for the same amount of time and we have a similar experience.  Things have mellowed and the friendship has grown and everything is much easier.  I sometimes joke that it's exhaustion holding us together!  We are just too tired to get as angry with eachother as we used to 🙂

Take care of yourself

[suzanne]

Not uncommon @leitor.  But at least she's in treatment.  That's intriguing in itself though.  If she doesn't think there's anything wrong, what's the basis for her seeing the Psych?

[leitor]

@suzanne Is it anosognosia, denial, or a bit of both, I don't know. She knows something is wrong and seeks out psychiatric help, but then projects it onto me - it isn't "voices" but me whispering, so I'm the one who needs help and medication, the psychiatrist should be talking to me, not her.

She wants me to come in to the sessions with her, which I'm happy to do, but the psychiatrists we've seen to date say "we don't work that way". Then they become part of the problem, and she runs away.

[suzanne]

It sounds like a rollercoaster @leitor. I have so much respect for carer's in your position.  I wish the mental health system had more flexibility and was more willing to work with family systems.  It would pay huge dividends for their indivdiual work with clients.