Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[outlander]

No probs at all @Bella1978
Its nearly 1am here now so will log off soon.
Im enjoying our chats too. Talk tomorrow ❤
Goodnight

[Bella1978]

Good morning @outlander - or shall I say good afternoon as it will be for you! It's 11.12am here!

Yep, having to grow up fast does make you feel older than you really are. But you still need love and attention yourself.

I'm pleased to hear that your mental health has stabilised. Support groups like these forums are invaluable. For me I don't feel so isolated - there are people out there that care and understand because they are in similar situations, they understand the stress and emotions that carers experience.

Are you getting support through Carers Australia? If not, look into it as you may find some things that may help you. 

I'm very happy to hear that you have a safety plan over the Easter break - very important. Do you have any close friends that you can turn to?

I think my mum is hearing voices atm - she is in her own world nods her head as if she is listening to someone. She doesn't talk but I do think she hears someone talking to her. I hadn't seen her do that before so it took me by surprise. However, when we ask her if she hears anything, she denies it. Hmmmm ...

I went for my walk this morning which does wonders for me. I'm trying to make sure I make self care a priority for myself otherwise I know I will fall in a heap.

As for other things I enjoy, I am currently studying counselling online however, that gets put on hold when mum isn't well. Doing it online is good as I can be at home whilst studying. There are no deadlines so there is no pressure. I actually enjoy just spending time with my two closest friends, it doesn't matter what we do but just spending time with them is really nice, and they love my mum to bits. I think when they come over they come to visit mum - not me lol! Love going for long drives, seeing movies and going to new places. I try take mum out as much as I can so she can see new places and have new experiences. How about yourself?

All righty, I've got a load of washing on that needs to be hung up, have a shower and off to the hospital.

Take care and hope you have a good day. Chat soon ... and be good hehe.

x

[outlander]

Evening @Bella1978 or afternoon for you anyway

yes thankfull my mh has gotten better but its becoming really unstable again. Pops gone away for a few days so I dont have to hide it so much at home. If I have a metldown I can have a meltdown unlike when hes home it makes him worry and then makes more work for me.

These forums are really great arent they- are you finding your way around ok?

Im not getting support through carers aust as ive got a psych and gp as my support services. I dont particularly need respite as it can be pretty quiet at home.

Im rather embarrassed to say that I dont have any friends at all. Im pretty much alone and no other supports beside the professionals I have. It would be nice to have a friend or 2 to go to the cinemas or out for coffee or something.

Hmm that is a little strange for your mum, does she have any other mh conditions that might cause that? Theres quite a few that could cause that. Have you noticed any particular time she does it- ie depression is really low, stress?

Yes please make sure you keep up your own self care too, you can care for others unless your own cups full.

I love your list of things you enjoy! I was studying online too and found it to be the best way for me too. Can chill of a night and read the notes etc. good on you for studying counselling.

Lol im sure your friends lot you to bits too but its good they all get along with your mum too.

I love a nice long drive with some music on mostly along the coast line so its scenic.

One of my favourite things to do are art- ive recently learnt more about painting and drawing from members here.

I hope today was a good day for you too

[outlander]

I just hears from pop and hes going good and enjoying himself.

[outlander]

Hello Everyone 

I was going to start a new thread but wasnt sure so will just write it here. 

Im wondering if anyone has any tips on what to do when you feel lost esp being a carer

Ifeel im forever going in circles and my attempts to break that cycle always seem to backfire or i loose interest quickly ( trying new arts, rekindling old interests or a new hobby)

Perhaps its the metal health stuff talking but i feel very lost in the world as well as being a carer. 

im finding i get more and more irritated over even  the small things my caree does.  Its not his fault but my tiredness,  frustrations and irritability  is making me question whether  im being a good carer and if/what i need to do to help myself in order to keep helping him or how do i help him more.

Ive increased  my self care  so i can avoid burnout but perhaps im already burnt out...

I guess maybe its part of my age contrbuting but i just feel stuck. 

Any tips would be appreciated please.

@Bella1978@Faith-and-Hope@Shaz51@Appleblossom@PeppiPatty @Former-Member @Former-Member @Owlunar

[Appleblossom]

Caring for older people can be extra tricky. @outlander

Do your caring from a good space within yourself.  

If your inner space is getting messed with by caree statements or behaviours.  

Be clear and put in self care,

but it might also be time to tell pop things he does that upset you ...

is he is capable of hearing you?

[outlander]

@Appleblossom
Ive told him gently a few times before that what hes said is hurtful or have been abit abrupt and blurted it out but it goes in one ear and out the other or he jist gets upset at me so i just stopped and have tried to ignore it. It makes things more strained if iopen my mouth.His whistling and random singing, repeating himself over again etc gets abit over bearing and a few other things. If i say something he gets upset or angry at me for even meantioning that something he has done is abit annoying or something he has said is hurtful.

He not only does that to me but then he will go around to everyone and anyone and give his side of the story and gets me in trouble. Ive had a few phone calls asking whats going on because pops told them this or that. They like to bark at me but wont help with anything unless they need something.

I know its hard for him to be loosing his independence so ive been able to brush alot off but lately not so much

[Appleblossom]

Are there local council or nursing supports in place.

Meals on Wheels?

I have known other older men to do the same things to their carers. It does not make it right.  Sorry he is like that to you. @outlander I bet you are patient with him. 

[outlander]

Thanks @Appleblossom
No theres no other supports. Im capable of cooking etc . I dont know maybe itll get better when i become less lost in life too.

[Appleblossom]

At some time ... I would encourage looking at what others in a similar position are entitled to with the Aged Care Assessment.  Having a nurse or a visiting cleaner etc ... to compare notes with might help give you support, ideas, and gain perspective.  It can be depressing for a young person to do that work and not have any more experienced people to lean on.  Seriously @outlander If a few people professional in the area got involved it might help .. reduce the load on you.

I used to think I had to take on abuse while doing caretaking work.  Woman are often socialised that way.  At least if others see it ... it might bring out the best in him or he might appreciate you more rather than taking you for granted.

Its best to broach it somehow rather than having an elephant in the room.