Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[JamesBluntus]

Well, my friend has been suicial in the past and is suicial again. She has attempted at least twice in the past and I've lost count of the amount of times she's talked about it. I've known her for 5 months but, and this part scares me to be honest, in that 5 months, she's become like a sister to me and I genuinely love her. Everytime I think about losing her I get the shakes and my heart starts racing. 

As I said, she's been suicidal in the past and has talked about it, but has only attempted it a couple of times in the past (and the mental health system is doing bugger all to assist because she is refusing to get help, even when she presented to the ED for attempting, they didn't even do a mental health assessment, just fixed her up and sent her home 2 days later). She's in the worst state head wise since I've known her. Anyway, today she started talking about suicide again. I did my best and all I could think of to talk her out of it, however, she deleted her Facebook, and then when we switched to communicating by text she stopped replying after sending me this: ".....bye". This was this afternoon at 3:50pm.

I'm more worried than usual as it feels different this time. Two significant things have happened to her in the last two days that have sent her in a spin which has prompted this and I'm worried that the radio silence means she's gone and done it. I've got no one I can contact. This is the worst feeling, not knowing. I have already broken down uncontrollably in tears once. I am just wondering when the next one is going to come.

Does anyone have any advice about coping with this feeling? 

[Isteri]

Hi James.
What you are describing is an emergency situation. If you are unable to contact her and fear for her safety I recommend ringing 000, now.

Also, you need to care about yourself. You cannot keep giving and giving without receiving support yourself. Otherwise you will become exhausted and not be able to help your friend as well as you would like. I suggest ringing or going into Carers Australia to see if they can provide some assistance, or direct you to someone who can. They could also help provide strategies in how to deal with this awful situation you are finding yourself in. Remember, you are not responsible for your friend's actions; hard as it may be to accept, it is she who is making these decisions.

[JamesBluntus]

Thank you @Isteri I will do both of those things.

I know I'm not responsible for her actions. Doesn't make it any easier though 😞

[Isteri]

It is hard to hold onto that, when you are worried about someone. Hope things are ok for her

[NiteKat]

Hi James

I'm NiteKat, one of the Moderators on tonight. It sounds like a very difficult time for you. The advice you have received here is sound. If youre not sure, always default to a 000 police welfare check. It can never hurt. Its wonderful that she has a friend such as yourself under these and all circumstances.

[Former-Member]

@JamesBluntus
Quick check in
Darcy

[Isteri]

How are you @JamesBluntus?

[JamesBluntus]

Hey guys. Thank you for the check in. Both she and I are okay. Not great, but okay. Her ex-boyfriend (who she is two months pregnant too) has slapped an AVO on her which has sent her into a spin.

I'm in a bit of a spin myself that brother-sister love has turned into boyfriend love and she has told me that when she gets into a better headspace (moves on from her ex) she will date me. The decision that I have made, after many sleepless nights and a lot of thinking, given she is pregnant and the father wants nothing to do with her or the baby is that depending on her wishes, her and the baby come as a package deal and I will, as the boyfriend play the role of Daddy, both raising it and financially. Huge decision which I've only made after a hell of a lot of thinking. I'm not in the best position to do it and I definitely did not plan on being a father at 23, and even though I love my job, as I only get a day here and there, it will mean leaving it to get a higher paying job. It's not what I planned, but I love her more than words to describe and want the baby to have two loving parents.

Thing is, and this is the part that has put me in a spin, she's been told by the doctors that there is a very high chance that she is going to miscarry within the next two months and even though I never actually had anything, even though it's not my kid, I feel like I've lost something. I feel like empty. I've been listening to "Gone Too Soon" by Draughty and have just been crying my eyes out. I have got no idea why I feel like this. 

[Isteri]

It's not abnormal. If you love her and see the baby as part of your family then why wouldn't you feel like this?
Wishing you both all the best, and so glad you are both ok 🙂