My special place

[Snowie]

Not much sleep last night, too much in my head. Nothing I did seemed to make any difference.

I really don't know why I try. Once again my thoughts won.

H is coming home today which is at least some good news.

Tried to stay busy this morning by christmasing the house. 

[rav3n]

hey @Snowie i'm really sorry that you feel this way. i really wish i could make that feeling disappear. you mentioned your 'thoughts won' - just wanted to check-in what you meant by that? 

glad to hear H is coming home! what sort of christmasing have you done so far?

[Snowie]

Can't really say on here @rav3n 

Put the tree up and decorated around the house

[rav3n]

@Snowie that's okay, i'm just going to send through a quick email to check-in with you about this.

that christmas tree looks incredible!!! and you've got a couple gifts under the tree already? or are they for show?

[Snowie]

They are just for show @rav3n 

I have more things around the house too.

At least it has filled in my morning. 

The dog doesn't really like it, she is scared of the tree!

[rav3n]

@Snowie ahh phew for a moment i was thinking 'wow everyone's already started their gift shopping? i must be behind' 

do you decorate the front of your house for Christmas too? i love driving past all those decorated houses throughout December

[Snowie]

I've started shopping for the kids @rav3n 

I like the type of shopping where I can sit on the couch and have it just sent to my door!! I hate crowds, they make my anxiety rise.

We used to decorate it when the kids were young but not now. We live on land so a big job.

[rav3n]

@Snowie

i feel you, going to shopping centres overwhelm especially when i go alone. i love a good online shopping, if only shipping/delivery fees didn't exist...

oh yeah fair enough! it does seem tedious. my family doesn't celebrate christmas but i absolutely love the christmas spirit so one day i really want to decorate my house in an extravagant way... but the idea of buying lights/inflatables and setting them up... maybe next time. what do you usually do for Christmas?

[Snowie]

I hate the shipping charges too @rav3n 

I normally go with H so that helps a bit

Was brought up with Christmas being a big thing. I normally have it at my house with H family and my mum. I don't see the rest of my family which in itself causes problems.

I had some Trauma on Christmas day a long time ago. So if it was up to me then I would just stay in bed and wait for the day to be over.

Are there any days/month that your family does celebrate?

[Snowie]

H got home last night. Was nice just to have his company. Felt a bit like a security blanket.

I have had a nice morning. Even though just being out of the house was anxiety provoking, D and I went shopping together. Prn did help settle me down a bit. She is always working, at uni or at her boyfriends house, so it was nice just to spend some time together and have a chat to her about how everything was going.

D goes to NZ in about 12 days by herself. My not so little girl is going on her first solo adventure. Whilst I am happy that she is starting to travel and see the world, a part of me wants her to stay at home so I can protect her. I guess we all need to learn to let go at some stage.

Hoping the afternoon goes ok too.