I can’t cope

[Captain24]

Hey @AuntGlow 

Thank you for checking in. It does mean a lot

Ive not long walked in the door. It’s so windy and so cold. It’s a feels like 1.2 degrees.Its been overcast and gloomy all day. It doesn’t help my mood. I need  some sunshine to lift me a little. 

Now it’s dark and it adds to the darkness in me. 

Im not really feeling ok. I feel tired and drained and really low. I cried at work today. Just in the truck on my own. 

It’s to dark and miserable 

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

I just came past your post. I was just popping past so I thought I'd say hi. I won't be staying online though but I'll respond when I'm on next. 

I hope you can thaw out by having a hot shower!

I'm so so tired.... I've been up for nearly 2 days now! I'm going to bed VERY soon because I think I'm going to have a good night's sleep - I hope so for you too!

Take care, 

tyme

[Captain24]

Hey @tyme 

Thank you for stopping by. I really appreciate you thinking of me. 

I hope so. I need something to warm me up. 

Have you been up because you’re not sleeping or because you have had so much on? I hope you do get a good nights sleep! 

Im on nightshift tomorrow and Thursday nights so I won’t be around but I will pop in between waking up and heading off to work. 

[tyme]

Joys of family, even if it's forums families - we're always thinking of each other 🙂 

Sunday night, I had my niece sleep with me so I couldn't sleep. I bite my tongue even though I HATE her coming over! Then last night, I stayed up doing some work, then I couldn't go to sleep @Captain24 . Oh well.... it's okay because I'm going to make up for it tonight!

Enjoy thawing under the shower.... FEEL the water. INHALE the steam. SOAK it all in!

I'm off now! Cya! Hugs

[Captain24]

Hey @Ru-bee 

Yeah. I was at work. It’s hard when shifts are different. I’ll be around until 12 tomorrow when I’ll go to bed to get ready for nightshift tomorrow night. 

Work was really busy for me today. So limited time to think. I did cry at one stage though. Plus it was overcast and gloomy so that didn’t help my mood. No sunshine.

We can chat at different times which is good. For me it was nice to see you when I finished work. 

I haven’t really done much. Just some Lego. I haven’t really been in the mind frame for crafty stuff. I haven’t lost the enjoyment in everything. I’m hoping when I come home from hospital that it’ll be warmer and my mindset will have improved. 

Baby clothes sound so cute. It’ll be so sweet to see her in the things you have made yourself. Being quick would be good as you can see your progress. 

This is the Lego I completed a couple of weeks ago. 

 

[AuntGlow]

Of course @Captain24 ☺️

I hear you, it can be so awful getting through Winter - you're not alone in this, I promise. My mood takes a huge plummet as well. The sun truly helps... how are you going with your 'cozy' explorations? 

Crying on your own must have been hard... who did you want to talk to most in that moment? ❤️

[Captain24]

T/W mentions suicide

I struggle really badly in winter. My psych thinks it could be SAD. @AuntGlow 

I don’t really know about cosy. Just a shower and bed. I haven’t ordered a onesie from Oodie so maybe that can be a help to my cosy. I don’t know what else. I can’t think right now. It’s all too hard.

I don’t want to talk to anyone when I’m crying. I’m so filled with shame. It just all got too much and I was thinking of someone famous that took their own life and was thinking about myself. 

[AuntGlow]

Yes, I remember you telling me this. SAD can be so overwhelming, but the good thing is that it can shift. @Captain24 💛

I got a knock-off Oodie from K-Mart! haha It is very warm. 

Some cosy ideas: hot water bottles, weighted stuffed animals, sunset lamps, candles, hot cocoa. Anything tickle your fancy here? 

I hear you... what would it be like to be held and heard when you're feeling that way? 

PS: I am finishing soon, but will be back tomorrow. 🥰

[Captain24]

I have a weighted Dino @AuntGlow . I do like hot chocolate. I haven’t owned a hot water bottle for years. Maybe I can look into one.

I don’t know what it would look like to be held. I’ve only ever been told to ‘stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!’ I never got held if I was upset. Actually I never got held full stop. 

Sometimes I think it would be nice to be held while I fall apart but I know I don’t deserve it and it’ll never happen. 

I won’t be around tomorrow night. I’ll be at work. 

[Captain24]

I don’t feel safe, I’m in bed so I am but I feel really uneasy and unsettled