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Something’s not right

Helpilovemywife
New Contributor

Covert narcisism maybe hopefully not.

So Im on here hopefully not a narcisist. My story will be short and obviously the detail are so many I cant contribute all the details. I feel my wife is a narcisist. 14 months ago she left the family of 4 boys and a girl. Said no we tried coucelling it didnt work. We had one session in 2003 so 17 years previouse. I need to I would blow my top alot verbally abusive. But I felt like I was alaways yled at and yelled at and when I would finally explode I was the abuser. I was working away and my wife was at a psychologist I didnt know. She statted taking anti depressants. I didnt know but I did notice a blank empty look and basically a totally ignorant way about her during the time she since told me she started taking them. I had spent the last 5 years or so really working on my anger. Just genuinly letting go of any thing it wasnt worth it. This is my oppinion so heck I could just be making myself look like the hero here. I truly love my wife I truly miss her so do my kids. 

Long story short all of a sudden I have been told I would let her have a bank account I would let her see her friends and I am controlling a master manipulator. Also I am toxic. I have been called a narcisist. I never supported her. I feel these things are so wrong. But i do not challenge her because I feel it is not worth the vengful nature. I have done 5 diferant online NPD test yes I know Dr Google. But i dont realy have much finance as I pay for my kids every thing with no financial support I do ok though it isnt easy especially since starting to smoke again. I have read every thing for answers including 6 stages of midlife crisis. I have not approached her family at all or any of her new friends. I have begged her to reconcider. This has turned her into a monster. I have no idea what to do. My kids need her and she has asked all of them to stay with her at times in a 2 bed flat. The kids did not wish to go too far from school and flat is too small for them. This has made her say things like I have turned them against her. Manipulated her. I supported her through 2 operations 3 diplomas 2 cert 4s and she finally got a job helping us to finally get out of finacial struggle. We shared bank accounts and most bills i organised to direct debit automatically. I feel I am being made to look like a controlling person and I admit I did put my foot down to something as she also did with me. We would have family meetings on holidays or buying things I would ask her if I could buy things she would ask me. I am at a loss. The story is so long and complicated that it needs a 1000 pages of details. I am not a narcisist I am being treated like one. I am devistated especially now I see my kids hurt or miss out or not recieve a phone call or text at easter. Or she refuses to come to his birthday party. I feel there is no way to talk to her unless I am agree to her current demands. I am not perfect at all. I truly wish I had have controlled my anger over the years Its funny though sijce she has left we as a family seems to be so much less argumentive. And we can do so much more. More laughs. Yes I could be painting a pretty picture to make myself look heroic. I love my kids I love my wife. But she says she never did love me needs to find herself. Im too controlling and smiled as she said nah I wont be back. 

1 REPLY 1

Re: Covert narcisism maybe hopefully not.

Hi @Helpilovemywife,

It sounds like a complex situation that you've described, and I can understand that when things are challenging like this it can feel upsetting or overwhelming. 

When I've been faced with complex distress like this related to relationships, I've found it important and valuable to access support. 

I'm not sure if you're currently accessing support yourself? If not, some options to start could be Relationships Australia, 1800 RESPECT, or SANE's Support Centre.

All the best 

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