Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Appleblossom]

It is hard to find or even know the right level of self care & care of others.

Always working at it - seems a perennial problem for me.

Easy for me to collapse into fear and worse case scenarios,

When I joined the forum there had been 3 premature deaths in my family.

In April it became 4 when my lil bro died at 52.

I am a survivor but do not want to survive all alone.

Very vulnerable at times and easy to think "it is all my fault".

though I know I simply could not have had that big an influence and there were so many other factors.

Bottom line:

I, thou It (Martin Buber)

But so many thous in my world.

[greenpea]

@Appleblossom I am so sorry about your losses in your family. It is not my business to ask any details so I wont, I just wanted to say that you know you will never be alone with us here. 

[Former-Member]

Hello @Appleblossom

I second @greenpea - you will never be alone here. You have real friends on this forum, and although not the same as real life, our care and concern is real and you will always have our support and online friendship to the best of our ability. I wish I could take your pain away.

I believe for me the hardest part in my life was feeling alone in my grief. Have you considered grief counselling? It can be hard at the best of times to balance the right care for self and others - but your grief presently is raw my friend and you need the care at the moment. You need time and space to grieve. To do what is good for you. Self compassion the priority. You are not alone my friend 💕🌹xx

[Shaz51]

 I am so sorry about your losses in your family @Appleblossom, you are never alone my friend , we are here for you

[Appleblossom]

Thank you @Former-Member @greenpea @Shaz51

We were kids without protection or good guidance @greenpea  Dad was a kid without protection too.

Over the years I have done 2 bouts of 6 wks of grief counselling @Former-Member and trained as a grief counsellor and a theatre gf practised her skills on me in running grief workshops in community centres.  All for a good cause.

When I did primal they suggested I look at grief, but Kubler Ross was about it at the time.

I am just trying to be brief and not run on with the whole huge story.

[Former-Member]

 I don't doubt you would be part of something for a good cause my friend. That's who you are - a good person. Never doubt it. 

Be as brief or lengthy as you want @Appleblossom. I was wondering how you are feeling today and what sort of day you have had? Thinking of you 🤗xx

[greenpea]

@Appleblossom you know it is amazing how so many of us reach adulthood when we have lived through so much in childhood... doesn't mean we are unscathed but we have reached it none-the-less,

[Appleblossom]

Thank you @greenpea

It takes a while to gradually get to know so many people on the forum. 

Your general goodwill and perky style cheers me up a lot.

@Former-Member& @Shaz51

Thank you. 

It matters that I am accepted with knowledge of all the sad and scandalous issues "out there".

Yesterday I saw my son and he is holding up well, though has been a silly boy, as is the wont of young men.

Today I am being quiet and doing "early music", which I find very calming. 

Mainly English and German but also Italian and Netherlandish.

May your day be good.  Keep an ear out for some birdsong.

[greenpea]

@Appleblossom thanks Appleblossom ... I try ... sometimes I put my big foot in my big mouth but I mean well ...

[Appleblossom]

It shines through @greenpea