ever wonder why

[maddison]

Of course @wordman I appreciate your gratitude. You have a gentle tone about you, that touches an unknown silence in me. I can hear the silence in you. It has a calming effect on me.

Today was positive for me. I sensed I was being overly positive. I have a tendency for love of heights. I stay up as long as I can - I know I cant see realistic problems while I'm up there. I'm aware of the fall.

A short time ago, I fell. Not too badly. Maybe it was in response to being treated poorly. 

I like the high life. Unrealistic...or overly happy by novelty? I don't mind falling so much this time. 

It is lovely to read your reply. My sparkle is brighter now.

Have a lovely night.

[EternalFlower]

Hello @maddison  How are u feeling? How is everything settling in, as I know yo7 had an intense and topsy turvy few weeks. 

I was thinking of you as I was watching true crime, thought of watching unsolved mysteries..im now watching a netflix series on bernie madoff.

I have been finding the weekends a bit hard. For so e reason they seem to go on forever.

[tonys]

hello @wordman  @maddison   Sorry i havnt replied earlier.    Ive  been pretty crook.  Bucket next to the bed type crook,  and made it worse by accidently taking my ticker tabs twice.   The normal dose Im on would drop a horse,  so not a mistake i will want to repeat again soon.

I have some sort of stubborn lung infection and its a slow recovery and timing is not good.

Things don't stop and wait for me.  I gave the chickens specific orders to stop laying eggs but does anyone listen....!

Any way I really hope you are both well and and winds are favourable.  Such is the changing nature of the day to day existence,  that one cannot predict the words sent,  will be appropriate to the recipients current state off mind.   Some time the best we can do ,  is let them know they are never far from mind.

Maddison.   You haven't lost   anyone.   Like the space between words ,   the space between people sometimes needs  reflection.   That kind of reflection that just takes a little time.    From a distance ,  you get to see the whole off the moon.   Up close we tend to just,... over think things.    I  have just been too crook to ink my quill lately,   and maybe thats a good thing.

When I first joined this forum,  i do remember telling people ,  I am a bit ...   nuts..

and ,  not off this earth.    I wouldnt  have myself any other way.   Day to day ,  i have always been the same.    Yes  I do let the odd sad memory off the leash now and then,   and like many,   I get lonely,   but ,....     my tears are only for beauty.    They cost too much  to waste on sadness and regret...        Ignorance is bliss,   and the odd,  time out,  from the forums  can at times be a good thing.     Keeps me grounded in fantasy.

I hope for a while , till you find your,... true north,    you stay grounded in  reality. ...

Wordman.   I  have not had a chance to read all the posts ,  but i can pick up enough to see that you are hacking your way through the over growth,  looking for your own river to take you home.      Last i remember,  you were a man with a steady hand on his tiller,  and  i have little doubt,  the view will soon open up.    We are all looking for different things ,  but I've a feeling the rivers all lead to the same place.   self fulfilment,   inner peace.   You my friend will definatley have both in spades.  Thankyou for keeping watch over Maddison.

To you both,  thankyou for writing to me  and  I will return when  I get these little people out of my head that keep rearranging the furniture.   Hard to believe a person can be happy and awfully crook at the same time,   but there it is.

Now .   think Ill take role over and pass out for a spell.

Very best to all                                                               tonys  moon base 1

   The above was cooked up a week ago and by now out of date but thought Ill send it any way,     I thought the machine ate it ....    but ,  i was wrong.   

So  ,   I  Looked up that band you sent @wordman   and soon as  I  hit the first track I figgured every one Knows this band.....    Big hit that was.    Peace etched into vinyl I say,  and a deft hand crafting their video clips too..

O k  I will try post,   again and crash for the night..    and sorry sane...   You did not eat my mail at all.   I  just looked in the wrong place....         nity nite    all   .      tony  mb1

[wordman]

@maddison Hello maddison. Thank you once again for your kind words. You have a way of being appreciative which I find endearing. Keep your sparkle shining. You deserve it. 

Kind Regards

Wordman

[Owlunar]

Hi @tonys 

I have read a few of your posts and I really have to let you know - your writing is wonderful. Whether you know it or not - it's called "Stream of Consciousness" and I loved reading it and plan to read more. 

I am qualified to say how good this is - and also - at this stage I wouldn't try to understand it - because it is beautiful and shows a glorious mind. This is your world and it is in a way - sacred - keep it up

The world is not always an easy place - but there can be treasures in every hard place

Owlunar

[tonys]

@Owlunar   Thankyou so much ,    That does mean a lot to me...     Its  hard at times,  because of  the nature of the  forum,,   days  go  by when all you see are the grey clouds filled with the pain of those that drift in and out.   

It  leaves little room to truly release my thoughts with out picking loose the stiches on the faces of others.   

Pain in this space is like paint.  You can only paint grey on grey so many times...

Autism  and brain injury  are  some distance  from the mental  trauma  I see here.   I  am a simple  and  mostly happy fella.    As  I asked someone the other day ...    How do you stand on the very edge of people   without  falling into them.

Many  folk  on a endless  road,  Feet of clay  ,  damaged souls swapping suitcases  only to find  the same contents ,   they traded    damage for damage,  hidden  among the support.... 

I want to help,    I too   like to reveal,    but  its not so easy as it seams..  I lack an education.  

I  do hope to hear from you again,    I  have only the street to thank for my thinking,  but  I come across people that have a good education and understanding of the way ' things interact'  from time to time,   and  If that is you, and my gut says it is, then you will be welcomed by and needed by many,  including me.  Would like to know more about you... ?

Thankyou again for the time you gave to read explore ,  and reply.

with kindness and respect.....    tonys moon base 1 

[Owlunar]

Hi there @tonys  at Tony's moon base.

I thought so much about what you wrote - it's tantalizing and thought provoking - I could see - like stars - the ideas from what you wrote

So - I will share - I too see people swapping suitcases and finding the contents the same as their own. I could imagine being at a carousel at the airport and making sure that no one else grabbed my suitcase because it's MINE! I know its contents are unique.

But how unique? I only just got that - I had to look in the pockets that had felt so heavy for so long and found they were my life's experiences, and they were all jewels.

I would not trade my life for anything - it's mine

Other people are not so lucky - there are people who wish they had what other people have. 

Also - I know other people would not understand the contents of my suitcase. People's memories of life events are their own - I have had trauma in my life and learned from it.

We all interpret other people's writing too - and that's sometimes frustrating and sometimes wonderful. I am self-educated which means that after I had started work and therefore left school which was not what I wanted - I started night school and went on with my education at my own expense though my adult life and now the internet is a fantastic source of information.

One of the best writers of "Stream of Consciousness" is James Joyce - he was an Irish writer and I studied literature at university and James Joyce appeared on my reading list more than once and it's not something that I could understand straight away but I eventually arrived in the most complex and glorious imagery I can explain

I'm looking forward to reading more of what you write. Do you feel you lack formal education? - And are you autistic? - If yes - then this is a challenge. I admit I don't know much about autism - and it is a spectrum issue I know - and I also know it has gifts of insight not commonly distributed among people.

You seem to have an understanding of life that is not common and that Tony - is a very good thing.

So - life has been different for me as a white, Anglo-Celtic, Protestant Female - not without it tough yards. I have had some advantages it's true - and a lot of what I gained was through self-determination.

Don't be discouraged - you have shown initiative writing as you do. You see the grey-on-grey issues of life - that's a battle - keep going - the writing in this thread already has me intrigued and we can never tell where a different path might take us

Owlunar

[EternalFlower]

Hi @Owlunar @wordman @tonys @maddison

I'm having trouble tagging people ...I liked reading your posts and insights . I hope U are ok Maddison , you sound like ur feeling many emotions, very brave to share them and also very inspiring for others.

Re @Owlunar your comments that you are happy to be you, I was so happy to read those as it's amazing to be embodied and feel like we see how much good we have and how special we are.

I'm sorry if I'm overstepping , I was tagged earlier here and was reading along. I haven't used the forums so much lately and feel like I wanted to say hi.

[maddison]

I'm sorry @EternalFlower my words are feeling silly.

You are special. You are a really wonderful special person in my 'virtual' world. Thankyou for everything you give to me. I like you.

[tonys]

Hello @Owlunar  Wow,   Ok  you  brought your suitcase,  and you've even cracked it for me.

Now  , I'm thinking will she let me get passed the paper backs novels and toiletries to the depths of this polished portal into who and what lies beneath. 

Tupperware talk,   Its what I have in the top of my suitcase to try and appear human in this strange landscape I'm deployed in.   The guise works until  the the strain of fronting it becomes to much.  

I part the silk in your bag, and there it is.    An ominous purple velvet box,  Its depth and dimensions exceeding  the the exterior image.   It has a hum,   19  hz     tantalizingly below what is audible.   And  I'm  transfixed by it. . . . . .    W h e r e   Have you  been   hiding......

What law of physics or nature  place your box before me...?

What  treasure lies  beyond..       Strait after reading your first letter you can bet my crooked farmers fingers were  clawing at the key board  to  reveal  things  I  never knew before.

Thankyou so much.

To answer you. . .   yes I am autistic.    level  2.   adhd.  think those two are married.    and I have a Intelectual disability, . . .    a  child hood thing.   Help is on the way  thank goodness 

Now ,  that tedious stuff aside...     back to you  if I may....  White Anglo Celtic  protestant  female....     Please  don't  leave me  hanging  here.    I realy need to know what that  entails.

what winding trails,   how you rode the twisting tracks and the times the train derails.

I'm   a dealer in worn out welcome mats  but I  do hope you keep your candle alight a little longer for me...        I will find it in all this dark.    A  new reason to think and communicate 

again.   Saying thankyou     doesnt do it justice but     thankyou.

Please share  again....           tonys moon base one