Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Rosa]

Wow, you sound like you are on the MI merrygo round.  I hope I can help. As a carer & a survivor I found several things that helped our families recovery from the choas.

1. We began drinking boxed water. Sounds strange but whilst being tutored in chemistry [ Adv Western Herbal Medicine] my tutor had a motto "Dilution is the solution". Fresh water is not available from the household tap. It is laced with nasty chemicals which may affect sensitive individuals. Dehydration was a key factor which caused my demise. I now drink boxed water. After a few days I could tell the difference. 

2. Homeopathic Malatonin. Natural Therapist see sleep as a key factor to wellness. Yours is most important. With mums strength invigerated the felling of being out numbered might deminish. Perhaps while you sleep your husband might shampoo the kids room :). If you dont laugh you will cry.

Perhaps a plastic backed picnic blanket under your son might help further assult on your carpet. Sprinkle a box of bicarb on the floor for the day before the hubby vacs might reduce the smell.It absorbs smells. 

3. Dark rooms are great.I found that I became extremely light sensitive when unwell. The body registers light even when asleep. I also slept on the floor. It was darker there.  Melatonin production is interrupted when light contacts the body during the evening hours. The Drs prescribed me 1 script of melatonin reluctantly. The homeopathic dose stills works & is safe for kids. I saw flashes of light when I was dehydrated & sleep deprived. It was scary. That fear Im sure is contagious. Similiar to a mass hysteria. SO now I remain calm as a cucumber & all is getting better.

My husband spent our super as well. We have a few hundred in the bank today. I felt guilty spending anything on myself once. Not any more. After the $110,000 spree I feel no guilt getting what I need to make my life comfortable & functional. Buy a new stove. You deserve it.  Step up, be strong, you can do it.

Ive just graduated as an Herbalist and we are trained to make formulas.

The formula for your success is yours to decide, but I found . I took control of my happiness & I encourage you to follow. Become a survivor. Accept the choas & decide to remove it. I call it  "Face the Dragon".  I decided what I needed to achieve this & I made a plan & Im powering though my list. I learn to time shift. Its fun to do. By being in the moment, without other distractions & worries filling the headspace It feels as if time slows down and more is achieved. I spent 2 years worrying, which got me no where. A great book is out the Time Shifting.

I defeated the dragon by hand feeding a fiece dragon in a meditation. A dark forest full of shadows & stange noises. I entered the forest knowing he would not let me pass unless I remained calm enough to feed him. I lay in the corpse pose to do this.   As the dragon took the food [chaos & worry] from my hand he was helping me regain my confidence He could hear my heart beat & would not accept the offering until my heart rate slowed. Relaxation, fun, taking time out to find Mental Wellness. I visit him in my meditations just to feed him now. No fear is attached to me, & I encourge you to know things can and will change once you get you mojo back.

Enjoy your new stove, & all the best.

[perseverer]

Thank you, @Rosa. Your injection of positivity was extremely helpful! Thank you for sharing your experiences and insights. In particular, I didn't know that about light sensitivity and it helps me to understand my son's behaviour better.

We already use homeopathic melatonin. Thank you for mentioning it because I had forgotten what a positive difference it made.  Day/night patterns are a major issue here. Come to think of it, son G has not needed melatonin for a while and I forgot to check if he has run out of it. Son J is actually sleeping through the night now and I had forgotten those long years when he was awake all night eating everything he could find. 

Actually, after I wrote this post I did all of a sudden realise that things are going to be dramatically better. I could see, for example, that my husband leaving work was a marvellous advantage because he no longer has any control over any of the money. There is nothing left for him to spend except the allowance I give him. For the first time, I have complete financial control. 

I bought a whiteboard and on it I write every expense and every bill. That way everyone can see what everything costs and where money goes. I have also established a savings and investment plan. It doesn't matter that we are now on only half the income we used to be and have enormous medical bills. I now have a plan for paying myself first and a ten year plan for creating a passive income that will be a standby should I also need to leave the workforce. (eg if something happens to my husband and I will need to be home to care for son J.)

I don't drink bottled water because of its high sodium content. We do however have a water filter and we only drink filtered water.

Another positive thing I realised after posting here and reading through other posts is that I have in fact acquired many techniques for managing the psyche ward that is my home. It made me feel valuable and empowered. 

I am glad you are doing so much better and I hope in a year or two my newfound encouragement will lead me to a similar degree of confidence. Thank you very much for writing.

[Princessmolly]

Oh @persevere how i feel for you and your family. I wish there was something practical i could do to help you. I wonder if you could share what state you are in so that people may be able to point you towards fundung options etc. Do you have any long service leave you could take? Does your husband not see that hus refusal to accept gis mental health issues and get help both financially and physicallu is putting the entire load on your shoulders? If you were to start a gofundme to pay for private cover i would contribute!!!

[perseverer]

@Princessmolly, thank you so much for caring. I live in Victoria. Honestly, all suggestions for how I can improve my lot will be very much appreciated. My husband really does expect me to bear the whole burden and he is quite deluded. To give some idea, he once turned headlong the wrong way onto five lanes of oncoming traffic on a major highway. Before his mother died, he had guardianship of her account, and he took enormous sums from it and then would demand I repay them. It almost broke up our marriage. But now his mother has passed away, and he has spent all his inheritance as well as all his super in less than six months, there is nothing left and no more demands on me to pay his debts. I have a small amount of super I can access next year. I am giving him no access to or power over my income whatsoever. Gofundme? I didn't think you could fund raise if it was going to benefit you personally? I'll check it out and thanks for the suggestion.