Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Shaz51 👋💞

Legals are still a mess but seem to be inching forward 😠

Grandbaby is an absolute joy ❣️

Managing my studies in the midst of it all in baby steps ..... major essay just submitted 👍

Weather is cold but lovely ❄️

I have a new-old car ..... ✔️

Missing my furbaby, but it is better for us to be in the west at the moment 🐾

I have seen the dolphins once 🐬💦 but that's my fault .... I haven't been walking by the river much.

[Smc]

Good to hear news from you @Faith-and-Hope.

I'm missing @Former-Member too @Shaz51. She was a real powerhouse of the forum, wasn't she?
But if she needs space from here, that's all there is to it.
(If she ever comes back to visit, she's going to have a few tagged comments to catch up with! 😛 )

[Faith-and-Hope]

Yes, missing @Former-Member  too @Smc @Shaz51 ..... ❤️

[Corny]

I haven't been on your thread in a long time @Faith-and-Hope but I hope that you are OK and feel for you with the chronic stress you are under, with the legals etc. It takes so much out of you, that whole period of my life dealing with the lawyers post-my fathers death is a blur of horrible memories. My health really took a nose dive. Uni will be giving you some distraction, I dropped out of my course, I can't in all good conscience finish at that institution. I checked out the disability adviser's LinkedIn page, she won some award for disability advocacy and pastoral care......what a joke. I hope to finish elesewhere if I can, but with all my medical leave I don't know if I will be allowed.....

I am not a cat person, I am a doggy person but I know you love kittens..... Corny 

https://twitter.com/BBAnimals/status/1411761862761451524 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hahaha .... love the cat hat @Corny ❣️
My D3 keeps sending me cat memes.

I hope you do get to finish your studies @Corny.  I am deliberately pushing my studies throughout the legal mess, hoping that my achievements will dominate my memories of this time.

Hugs 💞

[Corny]

You will get through @Faith-and-Hope , I'm certain of it. It will change you. But you'll get through the financial split and your degree. That was obvious from day dot, you had so much conviction, because you're nothing like him. There was never anything limp about your separation. Corny 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks @Corny ..... the separation was completely decisive - there is no going over or going back on that sort of deception.  I could see in that moment what he was, and what that meant our life had been, and I accept that.  I accept that because I didn't know about people like him, and had no idea that they could do this ...... 

I am keeping the best memories.  The rest is already trashed.  Just need to get through the rest of the lies and manipulations, and the tangled financial web.

[Corny]

It really came across that way @Faith-and-Hope . I could really feel it.

Draw on your strong foundation, and the family you do have, I think I read somewhere on here that your Mum and Dad are still alive, I hope that they are giving you lots of hugs and kisses. I didn't have that foundation, so therapy in many ways has been quite a sickening process for me to come to the realisations I have. Abusive people were able to play on biological processes I have no control over, especially as a baby and infant, such as attachment and bonding......and good memories lie ahead for you too! Trust me, you will be so so so relieved when he is gone. My sibs and I weep with relief our father has died. Try telling that to your friends; we don't. Noone understands until you've lived it. 

He was always going to leave this way. He doesn't have the capacity to forge a path on his own, she can have him! Corny

[Faith-and-Hope]

I lost my beautiful Mum many years ago @Corny, but I am visiting my Dad in his town now while I am on my last days in the west.

I can hardly imagine how terrible it was for you, growing up with one who didn't even hide who he was, like mine did for so long under workaholism ..... only from those outside your door.  Mine has completely thrown his own birth family.  They didn't even see it coming, the signs were so hidden, and they worked together in the same business for a long time.  He has really done a number on everyone, and yeah, she is so totally welcome to him ..... her own treatment of D2 shows a complete lack of empathy on her part,  so I am wondering if they are cut from the same cloth, in which case the fireworks when they happen will be quite spectacular, methinks.

[Corny]

Oh I'm sorry @Faith-and-Hope that your Mum has died, I hope that she didn't suffer. Its the longest relationship we all have, that's where we all started. 

If there's less aggression, anger and violence, it would be easier to hide his mental illness, and if he was away a lot travelling he would of had other outlets.

Personality is a fascinating thing, to turn on your own birth family without any major reason to, is indicative that more has been happening mental health wise than anyone could see. Most Aussies in the community have never even heard of personality disorders being a legit MI, let alone NPD. People don't take it seriously, and I think that Psychiatrists are more likely to diagnose BPD, even if they are seeing more NPD because this can encourage the patient to try DBT and other therapies. 

I really hope that you get a resolution this year. We got no resolution, our aunt packed up, sold her house, left Sydney and never repaid moneies owing, ignored lawyers, ignored the ATO, there was no inheritance for us, or I think of it more like some compensation......whatever happens you will get through, and adjust to life how it is; you haven't been given a choice. I am so relieved you don't have to grow old with him and be his servant. You're free to enjoy the cubs, grandbabies and furry friends - Corny