Our stories
That doesn’t surprise me that his illness is prematurely ageing him. Stress does that to all of us, if it is external stress or internal stress driven by mental illness. The body can only take so much. And if your ex-husband can’t wind down or turn off that has to take a toll on his health. The reality is that most mental illnesses are energetic disorders. Only people with MI know that. Most people in society think it is all up in people’s heads and has nothing to do with physiology.
As regards to the NPD and violence the reality is that not everyone with NPD is abusive, violent and manipulative. You can have NPD and be completely harmless. It can be draining at times to be around them, but it is draining to be around anyone that is sick. Illness changes the energy of rooms and seeps into soft furnishings. People with a personality disorders still have a personality, a core character and tendencies. It is so frustrating that Psychiatry even used the word ‘personality’ because it insinuates that it encompasses their entire being.
People with the same diagnosis I have, have committed the most utterly horrific violent crimes that have made international news. Mass shootings in American are often done by returned soldiers with PTSD. Just because I have PTSD myself doesn’t mean that I don’t think that some people with it shouldn't be locked up forever in gated communities/or hospitals; and that includes myself, if I was to become so mad that I did something like that. Across my 5 hospitalisations I have met patients that would become so defensive about points like this.
But take it from someone who literally lost their mind; madness is real. Lunacy is real. There are times when extreme measures have to be taken because medicine has nothing to offer. If I come across patients that can’t see that after living it from the inside, that they delude themselves that they are special, and that a few tweaks of brain cells here or there could find any of us in that position - I steer clear of them. If they don’t have the personal insight to see that, to keep my self safe I will disengage with them entirely.
Your exhusband will take up a lot of your energy for the rest of the year at least.
But I am hopeful that in 2022 you can feel some peace.
Corny 
Hey @Faith-and-Hope as I am passing through the forums tonight, just shouting out to you and hoping that you are OK.
Never any pressure to reply, acknowledge or respond to posts, I know how hard it is just to get through our days sometimes; myself included, sometimes I can be here; and sometimes I can't.
I look out my window or read stuff online and see healthy people exercising or engaging in some activity that enhances their lives or builds them up somehow, but for us, the same activity just keeps our heads above water......I hope that all the technical financials with your ex husband are moving along, even if it is at a jagged pace. .....I suppose what worries me is not his NPD diagnosis as such, but the dynamic of abusive relationships.........not everyone that is abusive is the same. But a lot are. They seem to fixate on one person and throw all of their violence, hate and aggression at a single target....I guess they have to save public face and delude themselves that they are a good person....
I hope that you are able to take long walks outside and that the cubs are in as good a health as they could be expected to be, given the cirumstances,
best,
Corn dog
I really hope so @Faith-and-Hope that you get some resolution this year or next year.....my father's explosive anger is what blew his cover, there were many cringe worthy moments in my childhood when it was displayed in public and people got a little glimpse of what we dealt with at home, not that anyone ran to our rescue, people flee, which I don't begrudge them their own biology......as I have said to you many times I don't use the phrase NPD out in real life, only with my sibs......people don't take us seriously, but it has certainly done tremendous damage to all 3 of us....I told my psychiatrist the damage of the abusive NPD'ed people has driven me to want to be alone forever. He was upset, but I can't trust myself not to attract a user and a taker who has a public face and an a-hole core....its wired into me. I equate being used/useful with being loved and wanted. The only person that wins is the user. I guess I am an easy target. All the best, and hope you can get some walks in this week, I rely on puppy fantasies to get me through....
Goodness me you are in your own personal nightmare right now @Faith-and-Hope . I feel for you, I really do, especially because I know that it will be very dragged out.
"I feel done for a lifetime" .......I totally can relate to that.
Do not give that women a 2nd chance with D2. Her behaviour has demonstrated all that you need to know. If she isn't an empath, she's self-centred like he is. It is often either a NPD-Empath dynamic or 2 people on the same spectrum, because they both sympathise with each others behaviour, and that becomes the glue of their relationship. Love doesn't really matter, being together makes them feel less self-conscious of being an a-hole. It's not so much their particular partner that they want to live with, they want to live with someone that makes it easier living with themselves, and who they really are. A like individual on the same spectrum fulfills that. You are nothing like this and that is one of the reasons why you had to leave and end the relationship and the speed with which you did. There was no hesitation and no going back, which indicates to me a strong sense of self, and strong sense of right from wrong. Plenty of people love drama. They get off on it. I swear to god if you threw them inside an MRI machine the pleasure parts of their heads would light up, they can't live without it, and find people that don't love drama a total bore. My besties used to be friends with a toxic couple like this. Because they work shift work I don't often get to see them so was always stocked to catch up with them when they were awake during normal hours. I would absolutely dread going to see them if this couple was going to be there. It wasn't a case of he was violent to her and she was the victim, they were both as bad as each other! And they loved it, they got off on it. It was such an eye opener for me. I would be shaky and panicky & say to my friends, oh my god, oh my god he is a psycho, and they would tell me, oh no don't be fooled it is actually mutual. I didn't believe them at first until one NYE party and then I was like, OK, this isn't your usual DV situation they are both violent. They are no longer friends with them thank god. I guess what I am saying is it so easily could have swung the other way and this scenario has revealed a lot about you. Your kids will really admire you for that and consider you the powerhouse of the family once they get some distance on this. A child's loyalty to a parent never ceases to shock and even disturb me, but even that has its limits. You're a great Mum and they are so lucky to have one sane parent.
The "scrambled" feeling you refer to that empaths experience when knocking up against someone with abusive NPD, I refer to as the washing machine spin cycle......I can pick it 100,000,0000,0000,0000 miles away. I don't even have to have ever met them, their energy is distinct. You do have a lot going in your favour. Having had a secure childhood attachment would really put you in good standing of not being sucked into their vortex. I have a very anxious attachment style from the early life neglect and I get sucked in by my caring and affectionate nature.
I really hope that you have sound legal advice....its so awful when you don't know where to start. But yeah, I don't have any expectation the legals will be finalised this year, I am hopeful that it will next year sometime.
Keep your kittens and cubs close,
Corny
