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RPatty
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Depressed Girlfriend is pushing me away severely

Hi, im not very good at these. My girlfriend of two years has always struggled with severe anxiety and depression. She stopped taking medication for her depressive episodes before i met her, however this recent episode appears to be her worst, as in this time, she has almost completely pushed me away. For the past two years things have been wonderful, we have been in love, she was always super mushy and affectionate towards me, and we had plans for a future together. This past spring we had to take a break however due to our families, but we recovered and were happier than ever, finding new confidence in ourselves and eachother. However almost a month ago her episode began. She began to slowly push me out, and while her previous episodes had never lasted long, i tried to just be there for her, console her, and make sure she knew i loved her with my everything. She wasnt getting better, but she would still talk to me, and loved us. However i made a mistake of taking the depression personally, and it upset her greatly. Due to this, this past weekend she has turned severely cold on me. She attempted to break up with me one evening while calling me, but i told her she was being self destructive, to which she seemed to realize she was,and assured her that if she still wanted the breakup when she was no longer depressed, i would go. She then told me that the relationship was putting pressure on her, and that she was no longer giving me the love and affection that she wanted to, and that the stress of it was hurting her, and she wanted to heal in her own right. I understood this and offered her space. I now only message her a good morning and a goodnight every day along with telling her im here for her. She still posts on social media, especially twitter. She once told me she enjoys twitter because she feels it doesnt bother anybody, so i can understand why she posts so much. A once depressed friend of mine has consoled me with details of his partners and his struggle with his depression, and informed me of cycles that people who suffer with depression tend to face around certain times of the year. I know my girlfriend gets stressed because of her family life and school, and saw this coming and tried my best to cushion it. Recently in her posts, she is following a similar cycle to when she was depressed last time, and im just wondering what i should do. She is my bestfriend and love of my life. Im just really terrified of losing her, especially since no more than a month ago she was head over heels for me, and coming to me constantly for everything, where as now i find out anything about her through social media. 

Thank you

-Patty

3 REPLIES 3

Re: Depressed Girlfriend is pushing me away severely

Hi @RPatty,

This sounds so hard. I'm sorry that you are going through this. It sounds like on top heart break pain, you are also dealing with intense worry about your exes well being.

 

It sounds like you are doing the right thing, giving her the space that she has asked for, even though I can imagine its very hard to remove yourself like that.

 

Have others ever been pushed away by a loved one who was mentally unwell? Or maybe the reverse, anyone out there ever push someone away when they themsleves were struggling?

 

 

Re: Depressed Girlfriend is pushing me away severely

Hi Patty,

 

It sucks! My boyfriend recently did a similiar thing to me. Everytime I was with him things were great.  We were always very affectionate with each other. He was always hugging me, kissing me, cuddling with me, always touching me. He was happy and so was I. When he looked at me I knew he was in love. But, he has anxiety and depression. When he went home and was by himself he would start having thoughts which led to doubts. Doubts about our relationship and doubts about his own life. He started to avoid me and our friends. I think he did try to fight these thoughts, but he is not treating his depression. He said he wanted to break up because he couldn't "emotionally connect" with me. Its ridiculous! I am not crazy, I know what I saw and felt just like you did.  What I have found out by reading about this disorder is that they cannot see past their axiety/depression. It skews their thoughts about reality. I know you love her, as I love him. I know this is hard to hear as it is hard to say. Don't chase her. She left you. Give her space and perhaps in a few weeks or a months she may return and realize what she did. You must remember that although she isn't well you cannot let her get away with how she treated you. Having anxiety and depression is not a golden ticket to treat people badly. If she does come back to you please have some respect for yourself. Make boundaries and conditions. She has to go to therapy and get back on track, especially with the medication if it worked in the past. Take it slow, make sure she is going and is processing it and is getting better before you jump into a relationship with her. I'm thinking in my own circumstances that it may be best to just move on, because I don't think he will go to therapy, he refuses. Sometimes something significant has to happen to them which forces them to understand that they need help. Perhaps walking away is such an event. Depression happens in cycles.  You need to know if you will be able to handle this in the future. I don't know if I can. Making and planning and executing a future with someone who has this is not easy and it can bring more heartache and pain in the future. Be well.

Re: Depressed Girlfriend is pushing me away severely

Hi @RPatty,

 

I hope things have gotten better for you in the weeks since you wrote this. I also hope that you have been looking after yourself because that is one of the things we can control - focus on what is best for us and what helps us to cope. Feel free to ring the SANE Helpline on 1800 18 7263 between 10am and 10pm eastern time if you'd like to talk about this to someone.

 

You sound like a really caring and kind person. Please don't forget that in all this.

 

All the best

Joe the Lion

 

 

 

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