Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[tyme]

Hi @Shaz51 ,

Thank you for this thread! 

Am I a people-pleaser? hrmmmm....no. But this doesn't mean I love conflict and confrontation either. Over the years, I've learnt to mitigate differences and turn them into win-win situations. At times when a win-win doesn't happen, I withdraw - AND stand my ground.

It's great to see how community members have responded to your question @Shaz51 . It shows how we are all so different and can bring so much diversity to the forums. I also welcome new members who have contributed to this thread - Welcome!

@Faith-and-Hope @Frankly2 @BlueBay @Dimity @AnnaMae1 

tyme

[Shaz51]

thank you @tyme 

yes I am learning to say the word "NO"

I think being emotionally and mentally abused when I was growing up by my father makes a difference before my parents broke up 

I had found I had trouble saying no because I would be rejected my my father 

[Faith-and-Hope]

❤️ @Shaz51 

[tyme]

Gee @Shaz51 , sounds tough! 

I have to admit, I was a people-pleaser in my early days...NON HELPFUL! 

Later on, I found myself a real fighter and confrontational - you'd say "white", I'd say "black". You'd say "yes", i'd say "no"...NOT HELPFUL EITHER!

Today, age and experience has finally empowered me to be assertive.

So yes, I have to say it is a process. 

I hope you'll soon find yourself in the space that meets your needs.

tyme

[Shaz51]

Thank you @tyme , @Faith-and-Hope  @Frankly2 , @BlueBay , @Dimity , you have all helped me including lots of others here in forumland 

We have done some changes which means saying no , which has been great 

Hopping not to slide back into the old routine of saying yes , takes practise I guess xxx 

[BlueBay]

good on you @Shaz51 for saying no

it is so hard but you said it!!!

take care my friend xxxooo

[Peri]

Hi @Shaz51 @BlueBay @tyme

what a great discussion.   I am not a people pleaser, as I think @tyme  said that does not mean I like conflict. I hate it. But I won’t go to lengths to please other people to avoid it. Not being a people pleaser lost me my career. as I have become older, I am less and less interested in pleasing others. That does not mean that I want to hurt or upset others and will try not to, but I won’t change my ethics or views just to please others. I will often just keep quiet, but if pushed will say what I think. 

Of course I want to please those I love, but that is something different I think, but I don’t pander to them.  I have learnt to avoid the tricky situation or just not engage. But that too brings its problems   Life and relating to others is a challenging balance, and we all just do the best we can. Compromise is needed to get through life and have relationships with others.  Sometimes we please others and sometimes we don’t think that is the best course of action

peri

[tyme]

Very wise @Peri .

I'd agree that that is also my course of action. I'm not out there to necessarily PLEASE people, but neither am I there to pick a fight. There are times when I need to share opinions (e.g. advocacy), but there are other times when it's better just to keep quiet.

And yes, I certainly agree that relationships require compromise too.

tyme