Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Romeo]

It's been nearly 15 months since my wife hit the PTSD/MDD wall. During this time I have really tried to reconnect with her however things are unraveling fast. Just over a week ago I decided to move out. This has been a traumatic experience that is evolving before my eyes. The physical stress of actually going home is overwhelming. Since the beginning I have tried to express to my wife the effects of her diagnosis and the lack of support for myself and family has had. In the last few days I've been told that this very expression of my thoughts and feelings has, in her eyes, made the whole PTSD/MDD centred around me. My wife has openly blamed me for lack of ability to recover and analyse the "true" cause if her PTSD. As a partner, are we just supposed to be in the background, excluded from the healing process? To me, the only way forward now is to leave the relationship, permanently. 

[Shaz51]

Hello @Romeo  welcome to the forum my friend 

Tagging @utopia , @Rhye 

Has she have a team helping her 

And how are you going xx

[Rhye]

Hey there @Romeo, I'm so sorry to hear the difficulty you've shared here with us. Caring for a loved one with mental health struggles can be a hard to carry on your shoulders. Like @Shaz51 I'm wondering whether you have any of your own support?

Here at SANE we offer free, anonymous counselling support to people living with complex mental health issues, as well as to their carers and those who love them. I'm wondering whether this might be a good opportunity for you to discuss some of these big questions that are arising for you.

Without having all the answers, my best advice is to keep reaching out as you have here and seeking support. 

Rhye ☘️

[Romeo]

I've connected with SANE counsellors before, the last few times I've been unable to get through. I've tried to book some calls but for whatever reason it hasn't gone through. 

[Rhye]

@Romeo I'm really sorry to hear that. Over the past 3-4 weeks the services have been at a reduced capacity due to staff training so perhaps that might be why. Either way, if you were to try again and experienced the same issue please feel free to send an email to teams@saneforums.org and we can look into that for you.

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Romeo 

It is exceptionally difficult to be a loved one and love the person going through times with complex mental illness. There is some support out there for "Carers" but I have a sense it is not sufficient and that despite improvements, the situation for those 'close' can easily be overlooked.

I have been in that position a lot ... from different perspectives in my life.  Weary sigh ... long story.  Sometimes we share our own perspective for authenticity, or to show we have exoerience that we do have some idea what another person is going through.

In an intimate partner situation some  authenticity is essential,I am sorry it has been flipped around.  Sounds as if she has a team and plenty of support.  Not sure if you have kids or it is just the two of you.  

Take Care of you ... as you see how this plays out.  She may say things in the heat of the moment and soften her position or she may stich to it.  Either way you deserve respect.

Apple

[Joonbug]

@Romeo I really feel this. My husband 'accused' me of trying to make his diagnosis about me recently. I have suggested we seek specialist help with communication. Whether we are together or not, we have children and communication will be required for some time. I am tired of the bar moving constantly. 

I find my therapist does help put things in order for me personally.