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Looking after ourselves

Louise
Community Elder

Son with alcohol addiction

Hi everyone, I am back after a two-year break. I found this forum really helpful when my younger son had his first psychotic episode aged 17. He is now 23 and doing much better than I could have hoped. He has been living independently for 2 years, and enjoying part-time work for several months. He is in good spirits and hardly thinks to get in touch with me.

Now it is my eldest son who is my biggest worry. He has been abusing drugs and alcohol for many years. This year he did a 3 month stint at Rehab and has totally come off all drugs, but has relapsed badly on alcohol. There can no longer be any doubt that he is an alcoholic. It is heart-breaking to see the pain and illness he is inflicting on himself, especially the mental health issues. He has been hearing voices for a couple of years and takes anti-psychotics.

He has been staying here for a few weeks and we have had rules posted on the wall which he has respected but it doesn't stop him from disappearing for 2 days and nights every few days where he drinks so much that I worry his life is in danger. He has legitimate health and business appointments and things he needs to attend to, which is why he is not currently in detox/rehab, but witnessing what he is doing to himself is getting too much for me. I am suddenly feeling as if I'm on the verge of a breakdown, like I can't go on. 

I don't know how to look after myself or support my son at this point. My husband has said that I have 2 choices: either keep propping him up or set him adrift. But I don't think it's helpful to have such a black and white approach to the situation. I don't think I have been propping him up and I don't want to close the door on him.

Any suggestions would be helpful

4 REPLIES 4

Re: Son with alcohol addiction

@Louise  Hi Louise I just wanted to say that you are not propping your son up imho. You are being a caring mother and your son needs help. Would your son go to a psychologist? there is no doubt that siblings suffer greatly when one of the brothers or sisters have a mental illness. I have three children. Two of whom have a mental illness (one with schizophrenia and other problems) with my eldest developing depression due to the chaos that went on in the house when son2 was completely out of control.  There are free psychologist packages available through your trusted gp which maybe of help.  Your son is young and with the right intervention is capable of turning his life around with the right help. I am here if you need to talk just put a @ in front of my name and a notification will be sent to me. Remember to take care of yourself. Love greenpeax

Re: Son with alcohol addiction

Thanks @greenpea 

 

Thanks for your understanding and positivity. I think my eldest son is in crisis with his alcoholism. Hopefully this will turn out to be a blessing in disguise, in that I hope it will be the turning point for him. He has moved out of here because 1.we won't allow alcohol on the premises 2.it's too upsetting for me to watch him making himself so sick and 3. My husband doesn't feel comfortable with my son "lounging around the house." ( Actually when he is suffering alcohol withdrawal he's in so much pain and exhaustion he is incapable of doing anything else.)

He is now staying just down the road so I will be able to call in regularly, keep in touch and keep encouraging him to take concrete, specific steps such as returning calls from the Drug and Alcohol services in regards to counselling, AA meetings and detox. Hoping and praying he will get the right help and start the recovery process. I am looking into joining Al-Anon, which I hope turns out to be a supportive space similar to this forum but particularly for those caring for people with drug and alcohol issues. 

I hope your kids are currently doing well and that you are too. Love Louise

Re: Son with alcohol addiction

Re: Son with alcohol addiction

@Louise My heart aches for you and your son. I'm hardly experienced in this area, but I'm going to share my thoughts and hope it helps.

 

I'm not 100% sure how well rehab works in the long run. Yep, gets rid of the toxins, gets you through the withdrawls, corrects the chemical imbalances, does a lot of great things. But my view on alcohol addiction is that it's always a mask. It's not the problem, it's a symptom of a larger problem. An addict is using the alcohol as a crutch and yeah, going through rehab and tossing that crutch aside is great, but the cause of the problem is still there. Rehab in conjunction with therapy, I think that's the only way to safely navigate through addiction. Is your son willing to start seeing a psychologist? If so, I'd recommend seeing someone who has a background in addiction, as well as someone who is informed about severe mental disorders (as @greenpea mentioned, he has most likely been impacted by what his younger brother went through/is going through).

 

And finally, yes, I think setting yourself up with your own support network is a fantastic idea. I hope you've managed to find a support group or a therapist so you can take care of yourself through this too. You're doing an incredible job, and your sons are very lucky to have your support.

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