Hello @Former-Member & others who read this. This is about an event that happened with my daughter who has BPD & I'm going to mention some of her behaviours - just a heads up on that incase its upsetting.
I invite some opinions on what follows & am aware that I need to make my position clear with my beloved Ms19, which I will do hopefully tomorrow if she is stable.
So, tonight she was activated by something her ex said & got elevated very quickly into screaming, head banging & demanding things. She demanded that I phone her ex to tell him he has to listen to her. (I've been advised not to get involved in these triangle situations) I said that would only be possible when she was calm, which she screamed at me that she would calm down when she could speak to him. So, my reply was that if she could calm down then, then she could calm down beforehand. (I'm just speaking to her, hopefully, in a calm, matter of fact manner. I'm getting rather desensitised now).
Basically, I said no & only once she was calm. So, the head banging & screaming went on for a bit & I am observing. We already have a boundary around when I will call Emergency services that has been used several times, so I know when I have to do that. The ex did phone her himself a few minutes later & they talked for a long time & she did calm down after a while - even stating that she knows she misinterpreted what he said & she is trying really hard not to over-react & get caught up in negative thoughts etc. (Which is true, she is trying really hard).
My instinct tells me that I should not give in to demands of that nature, especially when it is coming from the BPD behaviours in a very big upset state. Not rewarding inappropriate behaviours. But - theres always that bit of doubt in me, so I'm looking for some feedback please.
